Chad 5,955

Everyone is fucked up. It's stupid to try and pretend otherwise. I guess the first time I realized love isn't real is when my father started having sex with me, my mom essentially turning a blind eye even though she knew everything. They say something like 30 percent of kids are sexual abuse survivors, but that's probably just the ones who say something. Every guy likes to fuck kids. Not me though. I'm younger for older. I love beefy older guys, tore back faces, the kind of blue collar look that makes you realize how much a hard life can age you. I like to see people's life stories written on their faces. The harsh lines of suffering that life bestows upon us all.

I guess it's the ruggedness that I find attractive, attractive cause it's powerful, powerful because it's inaccessible for me. I like something to make them human- a scar, an imperfection, anything to make it feel real and dispel the unrealistic fantasy of perfect beauty. Yet, at the same time, and at the risk of sounding egocentric, I do happen to be perhaps the most beautiful man of our time. At least that's what people who pay me for sex tell me. It's for this reason that I make a living off selling my body, appealing to people's most basic instincts. Life isn't sacred, and this body's not a temple. Someone like me is often put the position of realizing just how base and disgusting yet predictable people, but especially men, happen to be.

I have a lot of friends who think of their holes as cum dumpsters, but I'm not that stupid. I like to think of these people as jizz receptacles. I've never let anyone come in me, because at the end of the day, regardless of how miserable I really am, and no matter how much I accept the fact that life is totally meaningless, I can never do anything to hurt myself or stop my life. Life wants to exist, and it's a natural progression in life to always want more life. I don't believe in anything, except for that life wants to exist. Self-preservation at any cost. That's why I have to figure some way to make money, cause I really will die if I keep earning less than 20K a year. In this economy? Bitch plz. It's ridiculously easy work. Doing something with my body has always seemed like one of the easiest things, perhaps because developmentally speaking, movement comes first. First we crawl until we walk, then walk until we run. It's not soon after that we start to fuck, and even eunuchs never seem to loose that urge. I always felt like anything physical is just about as easy at it comes...

Obviously, I realize I'm someone who, in the big scheme of things, doesn't really have any boundaries. Or maybe any boundaries left. It's scary to realize that at times, I put myself into very dangerous situations. Sex and death are so closely aligned it's sometimes hard to tell the difference. On a more basic instinct level, I realize one boundary I'm missing is burning thee candle at both ends- I mean to say pushing my body to it's absolute physical limit. However, I do feel one learns a lot about one's self through doing things of this nature, I blame on it on your sped up blood flow, that's got to affect the way a brain operates what with more of everything pumping through it. Having sex with older guys is like walking on thin ice. Since HIV has been around since before I was born, I automatically see crow's feet and think positive. I never had a dad (who did?) and I often wonder if that's the reason why I find older guys so appealing, and being with them such a healing experience.

For a long time I wrestled with my attraction... why would I like something considered by many to be bad? I guess by many people I mean to say people within my peer group. What was it about these kinds of people that I find attractive? It this cause I never had a dad and have always been desperately seeking the approval of a father figure? Moreover, how can someone as complex and multidimensional as me be so predictable, essentially weak minded? Whenever I see 2 guys hugging I always want to be in the middle... but only if they're big and beefy with 2 big hairy bellies pressing against one another. I like body hair, all over. It really turns me on. 2 daddies are better than none, and since me and everyone I've ever met has no daddy, it means there's a huge daddy hole up in the motherfucker, I'll take what I can get.
***


My Saturday mornings usually start out very differently, but always seem to end the same. Obviously, since I get paid to have sex with guys, as a result I get laid a lot in one sense. However, since I rarely have more than 5 or 6 paying customers a month, I still have a huge unfulfilled sexual emptiness inside. All those recent studies say that you're supposed to have at the very least one orgasm a day. I care about my sexual health, like I said I never let guys bust a nut in me, and I never swallow. Not even if I were to have a boyfriend do I think I would swallow. It tastes like shit. I wish that I could be a high priced escort, but in reality I'm a cheap whore, and rarely get paid more than $100 for any encounter. To put it into perspective, the cheapest of street crack whores will rarely go under 40. Ironically, peep shows only pay bitches $4 to show off their pussy holes! People who come to me regularly give me shit about even paying that much... I have to hustle as hard as possible to squeeze every penny I can get out of these tightwad faggots. Just like everyone the dream is to fall in love and live happily ever, but that fantasy doesn't even come true for the elite, much less a mid priced sex worker such as myself. I find myself sometimes thinking if he could be the one regardless of who I'm with. I want it to be real, but I know the world doesn't work like that.

By Saturday night I'm always ready to get on the bus and go to the bars and clubs. To be honest, Saturday nights means the most men, which means the best possible opportunity for sex. True, many people are just tourists, people from the suburbs who aren't real city people I guess is what I mean to say. Obviously, there are lots of people there who are also residents, but I'm not opposed to going places, especially if they have a car and are going to drive me. I always feel safe in cars, even though you're more likely to die in a car crash than any other way. Well, excluding natural causes. I always feel like life is spinning out of control, that this is the real generation with no future, and I'm continually crossing boundaries that were never meant to be crossed. But when I'm in a car, I finally feel like I'm doing something, It makes me feel real, like I have nothing to worry about. What could possibly go wrong? I'm finally doing something, I'm actually going somewhere...

So I'm out enjoying the sights, seeing who's hot and playing the game. I like to gently brush my hands across men I'm attracted to as I walk past- never inappropriate, just lightly over the stomach of across their backs. I won't have sex with just anyone, after all. They have to pay. And when I fuck for pleasure I'm even more selective. Not to say I'm looking for perfection, because I myself am not even perfect, although I like to think I am. I have nice skin, and a well laid out face, good bone structure and a tight body. Everyone cares so much about bodies, but I'm obsessed with faces. I like scars, something to make them human, real, and tangible. But yeah, I think I touched on that before. I hate meth but I like meth scratched faces. I like beards and stubble. I like beefy, but I also like beer guts. I guess I mostly like masculinity. I like guys who look like they could protect me if tricks want to get fresh and rob me... or kill me and dump my body in a ditch somewhere.

So I have threesomes a lot. On the off chance that I happen to be looking at porn, I pretty much only watch orgy or sometimes gangbangs. Just 2 dicks are so boring. I like having threesomes and fourgies, but it's sometimes harder to come... I guess cause there's so much going on, and so much dick. When I'm with just one person, and it's not work, what gets me off is the mutual pleasure. We can make each other feel good. But when guys pay me for sex they always want their boyfriend to join in, or in some cases just watch/videotape. Not like I mind, as far as jobs go mine is pretty cushy, and if I can make a few hundred in just a few hours per month, who is the real idiot? The whore who works maybe 15 hour a month total or the tool in a cubicle wasting 70 hours of life per week? I could never live a 9 to 5 lifestyle. In fact, I don't think it's healthy. All of the studies suggest it.

What I like about San Francisco is all the sex fairs. I have a young face, so I do sometimes get insecure in a sense and feel out of place, mostly because I project a discriminating and critiquing eye onto all those who gaze upon me. I know others think that I think that I'm too good for them, that I'm hot shit, when in reality I'm not that picky, and someone as ghetto as I am, who lives on the fringes of society can't afford to be picky. I'm kinky too, and I'm into fucked up shit. Obviously, people go places like Folsom and Up Your Alley cause they're into S&M, and I'm really just not. I just want to have sex with the people who look like they might be into it. Ruff stuff. When you go to bars and clubs the guys are so clean cut, so corporate, desperately trying to fit into society, they're all tops but would bottom for the right guy (they're all bottoms) and instead of trying to get creative and inventive, choose to try and have sex like straight people. Clearly defined roles, objectives, expectations, and lives. God how boring.

So sometimes I go to the Powerhouse in the attempt to go home with a hot daddy or daddies. In the immortal words of Sandra Hope, founder and CEO of Mate Check, "Guys are all the same." When you fully accept this axiomatic truth, it becomes SO easy to deal with men. All you have to do is tell them that you think they're cute, and that really is all it usually takes. Guys want to fuck all the time, and if they know they can fuck you they will. This makes it laughably easy to manipulate them, and then do whatever you want. So here I am on a Saturday night. The moon is full, the booze is being poured, and everyone is either discreetly or not so discreetly doing his drug of choice. Most like hard drugs, but for me just a drink or two is enough. I only smoke cigarettes if I'm drinking booze. Watch me never get addicted.

I understand why addiction exists, but I've always found that overall, the way that drugs make people feel is the same way I can make myself feel. I like to remember things, even though happy times are few and far between, and I remember the bad times all too well. I came to the club with a friend, who promptly said bye to me after he found someone to go home with. I always do that to other people, there's no animosity in my tone. Just jealousy. I love it when people are on a mission, and find someone to go home with before 11 pm. Skills! Or maybe its just that everyone is equally filthy and desperate on the inside, and the only way to mitigate, to derive some sense of value is through the approval of others. Proving to oneself that one is desirable and desired. When someone says I love you, they really mean to say I love the way you make me feel about myself. When someone says they're addicted to you, what they really mean is I'm addicted to the way you make me feel. You see, all of these feelings are simply internal, they're not for the world, and hardly external. All it takes is the smallest action, the simplest of initiations. A glance, a touch, or maybe just an offer to get someone a drink...

"What's your name? You've got to be the cutest boy in the club tonight. Can I get u something to drink?" His forearms were big and hairy, but he was actually an inch and a half shorter than I am. He had a really friendly face, and I could tell this one at some point lifted weights. Black collared shirt, probably from h&m but with expensive dark denim jeans. Why do men always call me a boy when I'm a man? Guy works just as well. Nicely shaped shoulders, with chest hair sticking out of the middle of the color. What hair he had left was mostly salt and pepper, but he had softness to him that was really appealing.

"My name is Chad, short for Chadric," I replied while smiling with my eyes. I don't understand why some people find a club setting the perfect stage to scowl and pout. People go to clubs to meet people. I want to meet people. I don't like to be alone. I wondered to myself what this guy did this morning, and throughout the day leading to the eventual decision to come to a club. I guess if he asks I won't say I'm a prostitute. "I guess just a shot of jager. I've seen you here before. What's your name, and where are you from?" I was telling the truth cause I had seen him before, around. But I've seen everyone before, someplace at some time. I guessed he was not from California, cause he carried himself in the way that hot people who don't know they're hot tend to carry themselves.

"My name's Tom, short for Thomas. I'm from Georgia originally. I've got to tell you, you have such beautiful skin- it glows, even in the darkest recesses of a seedy gay club." I definitely appreciate anyone with a sense of humor. Life is so shitty all the time, might as well laugh at something if possible. I knew that tonight, or should I say early this morning, I was probably going to get fucked. I like that feeling, anticipation of what's yet to come. Pardon the pun. "So what do you do for a living?"

"I work at a non-profit," I replied, which is usually what I say when people ask. I like to keep secrets, especially when they might be ones that could potentially cause me problems. He invited me over to a group of men from the same demographic. They seem nice I guess. These are the kinds of people who pay me to do nasty things. There were a lot of guys out, and people don't usually arrive to bars and clubs until about midnight or 12:30. The music was hot, and there were guys all around, so in between mingling with my newly found friends and showing of on the dance floor I still managed to get a couple of drinks bought for me. I love it when people do things to please me. People should worship me as the deity that I happen to be.

Eventually it was time to leave the club. I got into Tom's car. 2 of his friends got in, I think their names were John or Jacob- or something biblical sounding like that. It was at that moment I realized that tonight, or should I say early this morning, I was probably going to get fucked by at least 2 guys. Tom drove a BMW, but it was kind of old, so although I was impressed it's still whatever. Besides, it's my dream to drive a Mercedes, Infiniti, or Lexus. It will never happen, but a person has to dream. "Do you want to come home with me tonight?" Tom asked, his voice going up in pitch at the end of the question. Pleading with me. I wonder what he wanted to do to me sexually. A lot of times they want you to stick your dick in their ass.

"Only if I can drive!" It's that boyish sense of adventure and mystery of the world that they wanted, because theirs had long since burned out. I had enough to spare. Stay young forever, never grow old, and never die. He told me he lived in upper market, so I knew I'd only be behind the wheel for like 10 mins. I love to drive, it's really reassuring for me, cause I'm finally doing something. There's nobody in my life to hold me accountable, so that's why I slipped through the cracks and wasn't able to do anything with my life. On the way back all they talked about was trying to loose weight and failing or about money. Old people can be so boring, why do they have to be so real? One of Tom's friends was talking about not being able to get a man... it was at that moment that I realized how crazy they really were, and it was all generational. They'd been made to feel dirty and disgusting their entire lives. I wonder if that affects people negatively? If they're not happy then it's cause they think they're not worth it.

After we dropped one of his friends off, we got to Tom's house. I was a little drunk, but I'll never get a D.U.I. because I can always hold my shit together, as some people can. John and Tom followed me upstairs through the apartment complex, it was as if I was following an internally led path. I always try to follow my intuition. He lives in a nice area but probably has to work the bullshit office job from hell. I was nonetheless excited for all the boundaries I was going to cross with these guys tonight. Another person, another boundary to cross. I'm short and somewhat on the thin side, and I'm vers, but never just the bottom bitch people usually see me as being. I couldn't wait to turn it around on them and stick my dick in both their asses. After we got inside, I couldn't help but start touching these guys. They were sweet, and I know they would only make me feel good tonight.

Tom pushed me down on his bed and got on top of me, I could feel the whole weight of his body everywhere. He kissed me deep, he had stubble everywhere and it was really turning me on. He was a good kisser, I suppose, but was trying to pull all of this porn star bullshit and sticking his tongue out way too much. Maybe he was trying to turn his friend on. Maybe they'd been lovers in the past, but it didn't seem that way, just cause they weren't sharing the inside jokes and references that people who are really close with one another tend to share all the time. John had already taken his clothes totally off and left just white briefs and socks on. I love to feel a man's weight on my body. He stuck his hand between my thighs and pushed down hard on my hard penis. I hope we can suck each others dicks. I wanted to such John's dick too. I struggled to get Tom off me and took my shirt off. John put his face up to mine and our mouths met, gently pulling back my hair as he looked down and sucked on my upper lip. He had nice skin, and was white but a little darker than Tom. Black hair everywhere all over his body, and looked somewhat fit, but mostly beefy if I had to describe them.

I love kissing, I really could kiss all night. Both of them kissed me and then I backed up and told them I want them to kiss each other really passionately and I'll watch. When I'm not working, I like to be lazy, I don't have to be in the middle of the action at all times. A ho has to be able to catch her breath. Shit. I watched Tom mount John, the same way he did with me, then bend down with and rub John's dick all over his tits and chest hair. He even was rubbing his dick on his stubble, which would hurt me but some guys seem to like it. He stuck his tongue out and flicked the end of it horizontally and vertically on John's frenulum. I saw him stick the tip of his tongue in John's piss slit, which is a trick I myself like to pull on guys. He put his thumb and index on the tip and the most sensitive part of his dick vigorously which made John's back arch in ecstasy. John was cut but he seemed to really enjoy the sensation. Maybe he had a lot of slack left. Seeing Tom being an oral top made me want to finger his hole and stick my dick in after. I always keep my finger nails super short to make sure not to hurt anyone. Seeing these guys getting it on was turning me on so much. I feel like I'm always performing, that all my sex is on stage, and I'm always trying to gauge what to do and how to act in order to turn the other person on and do whatever it is they want. It's fun, but after a while one just wants the client to hurry up and bust a nut. I watched him play with John's balls until I could no longer resist the urge to stick my face in John's guiche. I wanted to know what he smells like. I started to suck on one of his nuts, they were both really big but managed to get one in mouth and still be able to suck in air around the testicle, I knew that would feel good on his raphe. I usually put my mouth in the middle of balls and get all the skin I can into my mouth, while I trace the outline of the asshole with my finger. John was swampy, but I could tell it was just from being sweaty this evening. I wasn't going to lick his ass cause I only like to lick ass on younger guys. Their holes are still tight and really sensitive, so you can lick it all night and they still won't want to be fucked, even though they're going crazy.

"Let's get your friend naked," I said to John. John pulled off Tom's shirt while I undid his jeans, and pulled his pants and underwear off both at once. He had hard hairy balls held close to his body. They were connected to a very white, fat dick, and I could tell his asshole was probably pink too, cause his skin was pretty light all over. His dick was hard, and he was uncut, but the only one of us who was. I like uncut penis cause it's easier to make it cum, nothing sucks more than being really turned on and not able to bust a nut, because you're nervous or whatever. His penis was a pretty light shade of tan, and the hair on his thighs was blond, but pubic hair was brown. I love blond body hair, and could not but help myself to run my hands up and down this man's thick calves. Fuck, calves turn me on so much, I think that's probably my favorite part of a man's body. I guess he has the blond body hair cause of the light eyes.

"Stick your dick in his ass. I want to see you fuck him," I said with a smirk. John got on all fours, and I slapped his ass hard with my left hand. I fingered his ass for a min, then Tom buried his big face in his friend's hole. Since John obviously wasn't one for manscaping, and Tom's face was really scratchy I hoped no tissues back there got damaged in the vigorous ass eating I was watching. I got John to lay on his back and sat on his face, his tongue was really talented. I've been fucked a lot but my hole is still pretty sensitive, and my dick was rock hard the whole time. John licked my ass, as Tom licked his ass while jerking off. Tom rolled on a condom, and stood up. He rubbed the end of his dick around John's asshole, getting him ready to be penetrated. He poured a bunch of lube around the outside of his friend's ass, then put some all over his cock. He slapped the end of his dick against the hole, then slid it in with ease, deep all the way in, then pulled it more than half way out. I guess he was loosening his friend up. I got on top of John and started to suck his dick. It kind of smelled cause another person had been sucking it that night. His dick was so hard, and from the curve and the angle I was able to deep throat and hold it in for such a long a time that I impressed even myself. It must feel good to fuck and get fucked at the same time.

Tom told me that he was vers, so I asked if I could fuck him and he said yes. I rolled on a rubber, and stood behind him, and spit all over his hole and my hand, and worked his hole so he'd be turned on while I was fucking him. Safe sex is so important. Tom's dick was securely in John's shitbox, but I'm sure his hole was a little worked out. Tom had a nice backside, the hole was a little loose but still felt good to put my dick all the way inside. When I top guys I like to go really slow and gentle, usually go balls deep and just take it out a little. It feels best to a bottom if you try to go all the way in and just make sure the tip is hitting all the right spots up inside. Topping well can make a soft dick on a bottom get a lot harder. It feels good on my penis, but I want to make sure Tom likes me fucking him. I love making a guy come when my dick is inside him cause the hole spasms when they shoot loads, and it feels so good, almost like you're fucking an ass and getting head at the same time. At this point there were hella assholes getting fucked. Sometimes guys can't get that hard while being penetrated, but these ones didn't seem to have any problems. I guess it's because they've they'd had an awful lot of practice at this point, and they know how to "feel" really quickly, as well as knowing what to expect. I always try to be someone's best fuck, I want to be a sexual force of nature that has huge impacts on others lives.

I fucked Tom while standing up, and he fucked John missionary. My dick kept falling out of Tom's ass, but he always moaned when I put it back in. I wonder what he thinks about when he's jerking off? It's kind of hard to fuck someone who's fucking, especially if he thrusts a lot. I guess Tom thinks the motion of his hips is what turns a bottom on, but I know if I'm bottoming I just want to feel a talented dick that hits me in all the right places, and the thrusting has very little to do with it. Tom was Jerking John off, and even though his dick was hard I had a feeling that he wasn't going to cum soon. I didn't know about Tom, just because it seemed like he was turning himself on a lot just by the way he fucks.

I pulled my dick out of Tom's ass because I didn't want to cum. I like sex to last a long time, and only 20 minutes had gone by. 20 mins is a long time to take a dick as well, in my opinion. I never understand when guys apologize for sex taking too long. Nobody wants to fuck for a minute or two. "I want to suck you guys off," I offered. I sat down on my butt, and Tom stuck his dick in me, then thrusted in and pushed it down the back of my throat with made me gag. I could see he wanted to be in control, but I grabbed the base of his cock hard, and held it back, which I think should send a message. I tongued the tip, and sucked hard on the end of his dick. It seems like forceful sucking seems good to most guys. John had been blowing me, but I wanted both dicks in my face. I motioned for John to stand up, and he slapped his fat dick against my cheek as I sucked on Tom's penis. John tried to stick his dick inside my mouth at the same time, and as sexy as that was it was hard to get both dicks inside. I guess my mouth is kind of small. Pleasuring these guys was getting me off a lot, cause I like to make guys feel good. Whenever I see groups of guys standing around, I always wish it was me sucking all their dicks.

"Tom, do you want to fuck me?" I asked. "If you do you have to lick my butt first. "

"I've been wanting to stick my dick in you since the first time I saw you," he replied. I made him lay down on his back, cause I have to sit on a dick to get it in me. I figured I would switch positions with him still inside me so I could suck John's dick later, just cause once I get the dick inside me I'm lazy and dont want it to come out and then go back in. I sat on Tom's face while he ate me out. I like it when guy's faces are in my ass. The answer to everything you say is yes when your asshole is in someone's face. I sucked on John's dick as I sat on Tom's face. After he ate me out for a little I sat on his dick, and after maybe 30 seconds got it in. I have stong thighs, so I was boucing up and down on his dick, and I'm happy to say my dick was hard the whole time, boucing up and slapping against my stomach.

"Let's switch to doggy style, cause I want to suck on John more," I said. There's something about a dick in my ass and mouth at the same time that I always loved. Tom and both fell forward on his bed without his dick coming out of my ass. John repositioned himself with the dick in my face, and as I sucked on his member I reached up through his chest hair and grabbed one of his tits. I'd totally forgotten about those. Tom reached around with his left hand and stoked me, while he put his big right forearm over my lower back, which kept my hips in relatively the same place. He kept his pelvis close to mine cause I told him I can't cum when he's thrusting too much. I hate to be the first one to cum, but I couldn't help it case he was really flicking the tip of my dick with each hand stroke. I didn't remember him putting lube on his his hand, so it must have been a combination of my precum mixed with spit mixed with other fluids. All of a sudden I came, John's dick dropped out my mouth and I straightened out my back so they could watch me shoot a load all over the bed instead of just dropping a load all over it while on my hands and knees.

"Wow you come a lot and it's so thick," one of them said. About a minute later Tom pulled his cock out of my ass and came all over my lower back. "Damn you've got a bomb ass hole," he told me. I thought it was funny, so I laughed, if you can't laugh at things that are funny then there really is no point to living. John still hadn't came yet, so me and Tom looked at each other with determination. Tom started working on his shaft, while I sucked on his balls. It took maybe 5 more minutes of constant stimulation to bring this guy off, but it seemed like it was kind of nervous to begin with. When John came, it seemed like Tom swallowed some of his jizz, but I guess since they knew one another that's not as gross. John was the last to come, but he had the biggest load. Perhaps he hadn't played with himself in a while, cause there was semen spilling out everywhere on both sides of Tom's all too eager mouth.

I found Tom's shirt on the ground, and wiped myself off- my crotch, back, between my thighs and even my face. I like wiping cum on other people's towels or clothes. It can seem both disrespectful yet endearing at the same time, I guess just depends on the situation. I thought about staying and cumming again, but it was so early, maybe like 1:45 a.m. so I was feeling restless already. I looked over and saw the 2 guys kissing, John holding Tom close to his body. Their faces were red with the flush that comes with sexual activity.

"Are you tired, don't you want to rest?" Tom asked me. He was running his palm flat up Jon's chest to feel the coarseness. I hoped they'd fall in love and spend the rest of their lives together. Maybe they'd never had sex, and I was the catalyst. I couldn't get involved enough to know.

"Maybe another time," I replied smiling. I let myself out of the front before they could say anything else. "Make sure you lock the front door guys!" I said as I was leaving. This is a nice area, but still. I wondered what else was going on at the after hours clubs? The night was just beginning...

Ryan

I first started having sex when I was 16 years old, I guess it seems like the normal time for gay guys to have their first experience, whether it be with a friend, and older man, or whatever. Growing up, I was always alone, so I always yearned for closeness. I've always been hoping for love, but until that happens I just seem to fall into things. I've always been weak, in some ways I've seen myself as a victim throughout every life situation that I happen to go thru, and for some reason I think I just made that realization.

Anyways, when I was a kid growing up, I went to Sandcastle play center in __________, CA. I don't think it's around anymore, considering I'm a child of the 80s, and the woman who ran it was in her 50s at the time. She made me eat the crusts off my sandwiches, and I hated that bitch. I remember she made one foster kid who went there sit in the bathroom because she refused to smile. Her name was Phyllis Bartlet.

I guess the fist boundaries I ever started to cross would have been in my childhood. At first, other boys at the day care would encourage me to show them my penis, which I did so willingly, and the action was frequently reciprocated. There were long gaps when we would be unsupervised after nap time, and the back yard gave us the makeshift privacy that we weren't really consciously looking for, considering we were all under 5 years old. The first time I saw an uncircumcised penis and understood that it looked different from mine was at the age of 3 or 4, it belonged to a little blond boy named Torren. As a child, I knew I was drawn to other boys, I wanted to spend time with them and make them feel good, obviously, I wasn't thinking about pounding or sucking until I hit puberty. Anyways, the other little boys would eventually start touching me, and I would touch them too, any boundaries I had quickly would disappear. As I got older, teen aged years led to me sneaking out of the house and meet my other teen boyfriend in the park, where we would kiss each other and jerk off, the "sex" would be over with after a few minutes, but it still felt satisfying I guess. Eventually I went away to college, and as soon as I did I got to go to 18 and over clubs, which is where I'm at now.

***

It was about 6 p.m. on Friday night and I was getting ready for Club Fuck. Normally, I just kind of blend in and I don't make an effort, but to be honest I'm really hot, and when I dress up I get a lot of attention. My body was still young and tight from running track, a high school past time that I was somehow responsible enough to keep up with even though my whole life got thrown out of balance from starting my life over (not that I wasn't grateful for getting to "start over" because I had been waiting my whole life to reinvent myself). I can still do 5 miles in 40 minutes, and I'm proud of my accomplishment. My upper body's not that great, but I'm toned, and when I wear a tight shirt it doesn't look cheesy, it just looks cute. I have pictures to prove it. Club Fuck is this cool, yet in the end incestuous club, and it's the hot place for guys to hook up at, of course it's in the gay ghetto, but in the end I feel grateful for places like this, as well as to the older generation who made it all possible. I hope they don't think us kids aren't grateful, because we really are. It was a lot harder for them to grow up, so I feel somewhat protective over the spaces they've created.

Anyways, I go to this club every Friday. In a lot of ways, it's been the highlight of my evening for the past 6 months, so much so that sometimes I won't do another night event that week, because that one night was satisfying enough. Who knows what I'll be all about next year, but right now I've got it all figured out. Sometimes it gets awkward, like if someone else is wearing the same article of clothing as me (although I usually look better, yeah and I mean it too) or I see more than 2 people in one night that I've had sex with. It just makes me feel like I have to put on a show, at the same time the need to show off comes with the feeling that it was just another boundary I wasn't supposed to cross. 'Is that going to be your look tonight?" my friend JR asked me. He was referring to my skinny black jeans, black Lacoste shoes, black tank top, and light brown fitted leather jacked I had on. I was applying blush- but that's the only makeup I wear, and it's only once in a while. It makes one look healthy and youthful, but really only looks good if you have good skin in the first place. Sometimes. I put Vaseline on the top of my cheekbones- it makes you look really refreshed. Beauty tips from me, your host, Ryan.

"Yeah, it's going to work," I replied with a smile. Simple usually looks best. We got in the car, and made our way to the club while smoking a joint on the way there, we got a parking spot not too far away, so we were already having good luck. I should say that I hooked up with JR once, but it was totally on accident, and totally oral, and it was when we were both really wasted and not really in our right minds. It didn't make our friendship weird, thank god, because we were both worried it would right away. Now, we just have each other's back and point each other in the right direction. Sometimes, one will pretend to be the other's boyfriend in case an undesirable or a party desperate tries to hit on one of us. And, ok, one time we did make out really hard in order to make this one guy jealous, but we're not going to go into that right now, because it's so trivial we basically forgot all about it.

We got in the club, got drinks, and all of a sudden I saw this one acquaintance I hooked up with a while ago, a one night stand. We waved to each other, ok, cool, it won't be weird. I always think how it's weird, and even sort of unnatural considering the boundaries we'd crossed with each other, yet we really didn't know anything about one another at all aside from basic information and names, and we obviously never felt a deep emotion together such as love. One thing that keeps me coming back to club trash each week it the music, and the DJ was really laying it down tonight. Loving it. As I was moving around on the floor, a cute guy started grinding on me. I was feeling it. and he put his hands around my waist, and stuck his fingers inside the elastic of my briefs, and felt the top of my pubes. I smiled, but I wasn't going home this with this one tonight, he had good features, but bad skin. I hate when that happens! I hope that, by the way, everybody knows that you can seriously catch that shit from people who I have it, so my advice to you is that you not rub your face on someone whose face is tore back. It's just called being health conscious, I mean your skin is your largest organ. But still, if a guy wants to touch me, I'll let it happen.

I'm looking for the love of my life, even though I know fairy tales really don't exist, and no matter how hard you try, nobody can be with you forever. But, you never know, I might find him here tonight, in the nightclub. I always keep my options open, because you never know when an opportunity will come, and that opportunity is your only chance. I saw a cute guy in the corner, he had a good smile and I was attracted to him. Ok, I never buy drinks for guys, but this one had a smile- cute and simple, it almost gave his face a delusional look. He looked like he was from middle America- dressed really normally. I like country boys, cause when they're hot they don't know it. "Hi, what's your name?"

"Jack," he replied. "It's a pleasure to meet you. What's yours?" he asked me.

"Ryan, but all my friends call me HB. Why am I telling you that?" I smiled and looked up and to the right, when you look down people think you have low self esteem. "I want to get you a drink, what do you like?" After we warmed up over mixed drinks, I thought to myself that if I were to go home with someone, it would be this guy. He just seemed so good natured, and he seemed sweet and gentle, also he was really physically affectionate- I mean it could have been the booze I got him, but he had a really natural way of touching me, and I let him put his hands under my shirt and feel my chest, abs, and let him tug on my nips. I always think to myself about how I would love you forever when I'm with a guy. Just don't leave me, and I'll love you forever. An hour later I was sure that I could never love a guy who claimed to be a gay christian. Next.

I'm always really attracted to black men. In the past, I have wondered if it was because I grew up around them a lot- I try to tell black men that I'm black too, that I'm a guy they could roll with, but they never really get it. It always backfires on me, and then people think I'm racist, when I'm really just culturally black. But yeah, I want to find a hot brother who is ghetto, sells drugs, shoots guns, but is always really sweet to me and calls me baby boi. So many boys, so little time. But I'll love you forever, you don't even have to say a single thing. I'll always be true. All of a sudden I saw the one. Not that one, the one. The one that matters. I'd been introduced to him before through a mutual friend, why couldn't I remember his name! That would have been convenient. "Hi, I met you a few weeks ago through Tyler. I'm Ryan, what was your name again?"

"Hey I was wondering if I was going to see you again. My name is Sam, better not forget it, because I'm going to be famous some day," he said with a smirk. I'm one of those people who if you are talking to me, and let me know that you're the shit, then that's seriously all I need. I'll never understand why people can't figure out how to be smooth, cause it's all about attitude. And sass. And it all comes from within. Within a few minutes we were on the floor, and his arms were around me like an octopus. We were grinding face 2 face, and kissing really hard, sometimes I think it's weird how I can know somebody for just a few minutes, and if I'm attracted to them, then I'll cross all sorts of boundaries with them and not give a fuck. This one had a really good face, and I'm really into faces. Sam hadn't shaved for a day or 2, and I love stubble. His skin was pretty dark, and really clear and smooth. His contrast would look good against my skin in pictures, but as I discovered with my previous relationship, when you start to make porn with the one you're dating, that means your relationship only has 2-3 months left in it, so I'm not going down that road again.

Sometimes, I just want to rub my face against another man's- it feels like sandpaper in a good way. It makes me hard. But yeah, Sam was a freak, and he could do all these ghetto moves, and if a guy can hold it down on the floor, then that of course means he'll be able to deliver in the bed. I found JR and told him he has to be designated driver, because I'm bringing this guy home tonight. On the ride home we made out the whole way in the back seat, while mounting each other, and feeling each other up (but only thru jeans). At this point my dick was so wet with precum that I noticed a small wet spot on my jeans even though they were black. I don't know what it is about black guys- maybe this long left over taboo about crossing a boundary that my white parents would not be proud of. Black dick is just so..... superior.

***

We got into my room, and Sam pulled his shirt over his head. I pushed him on my bed, and climbed on top of him, I was still wearing jeans and socks at this point, and he was still wearing pants. I kissed his neck, which soon turned into kissing his shoulders, and his inner biceps. Then I revisited his mouth, and didn't hold anything back. Guys often tell me kissing me is like having somebody eat their face, but it seems like when in doubt, be aggressive. His skin tone was dark and even, I wonder how he got such good skin. Hi wasn't as dark as Alek Wek, for example, but he was close- I wondered to myself if he was actually from Africa (or maybe his parents) because he had very striking features- maybe Chinese Jamaican? I couldn't find a single imperfection on his face. Maybe he drinks a lot of water. I wanted to suck his dick really bad. After kissing his stomach for about 2 seconds, I pulled off his cargo shorts and briefs, while I liked his urethral opening and tried to stick my tongue in it. Guys usually like it when I lick the dick slit. His dick was big and more importantly fat, which means I probably couldn't really deep throat it for more than a few seconds, and it also seemed too big to get fucked by it. I started sucking on his head, and he started to moan. He didn't let me suck on it for long, "Get your dick up here, I want to 69," he told me, and I was more than happy to oblige, cause 69ing is my favorite. We were blowing each other, and I stuck my thumb in his ass, and pushed up hard on his prostate, he was turning me on and I wanted to fuck this guy, cause he kept bringing me too close by sucking my dick.

We kept sucking on each other. I find a strange comfort in 69ing, I guess cause essentially everyone is being pleased. In many ways, its hard for me to cum, just cause when I'm doing shit to a guy's penis I end up focusing all my attention on that. I love dick and everything about it. I love how it smells, I love to bury my face in guy's nuts and really get a sense of him. This niggas shit smelled amazing, I made a quick mental note to make him let me keep his underwear, so I can smell him again later. We were laying on our sides, which eventually let me to being on top and sitting on his face. I was glad I took a shower this morning, and finished my digestion earlier in the day. You planned this whole thing, didn't you?

"Yeah babe, lick my hole. Lick that shit nigga." My nightstand was in reaching distance, so I pulled out my flesh light. They're so much more fun to play with when there's 2 guys instead of one. It feels good to fuck things, it's almost like having a threesome. I spat in it but it was already a little swampy from me using it last night, even though I cleaned it out. I put it over his penis and he got really vocal, taking his lips off my asshole. "You wanna fuck, nigga?" I asked. Of course he does, everyone wants to fuck. His dick was really big, and I kept it going with constant stimulation. The night thing about fucking a flesh light is that the fucking plastic shit can't give anyone aids, and doesn't play host to any viruses. Unlike human orifices, they aren't vectors. Ironically, all orifices are moist warm transitional zones. I thought about putting my penis inside Sam's tight chocolate hole. I wanted him to fuck me to. It's so fun being gay because there's not just one way to have sex, and you have to get creative right off the bat. There's a million things you can do to somebody to make them feel good. Or make them cry out in pain.

But right now, I was all about pleasing this hot black dick. I'm not a bottom but I always fantasize about getting gang banged by 7-8 black guys. Not as the only hole, but essentially the focal point of the orgy. I love black men, and I always get off on pleasing them. They're physically superior to white people, I guess I always noticed differences from living in 2 different worlds my whole life. Anybody who I get with, it's going to be interratial right off the bat. I kept using the flesh light on Sam's dick, taking it all the way down to his balls to get maximum stimulation. His cock would sometimes pop out the end, cause it was big and fat. I liked watching the head pop out the end, and would occasionally lick it. He fingered my hole white I sucked his dick in and out of my toy. He was also jerking me off, which is the easiest and fastest way to make me cum. Luckily, his motions were hitting more of the top of my dick instead of the frenulum on the underside. I wasn't going to cum super fast. "I love watching your cock fuck," I told him, cause I did. "It's really beautiful."

I pulled his dick out and threw the toy on the ground. We lined up side to side cause it's easier to cum that way. A 15 minute tumble in the sheets is usually gay sex (in my experience) unless ass fucking is involved, in which case the preparation and clean up add on that extra time. I'll probably just wait until I'm in a relationship, purely for the fact that I hate using condoms, but I'm still paranoid about sex killing me. I kept sucking his dick and fingering his a hole until he exclaimed, "Shit, I'm going to cum! I don't want to cum yet!" I ignored his pleas and deep throated his penis, he came a second later and I gagged on all the jizz, I tried to swallow it but a lot came spilling out of my face and onto his thighs. He jerked my dick off and stuck his tongue in my ass, and I ejaculated really quickly (I'm glad I took a shower before I went out, cause I was kid of swampy earlier in the day). A fat pool of jizz covered my stomach, and Sam put his fingers in it, rubbing it around my stomach, but I noticed he didn't taste it. After that, I needed a few minutes because I couldn't see, but he flipped around and kissed me for a little but, I love coming down after sex, even though it usually means I'll just be getting horny again and want to mess around even more.

"Thanks, I really needed that. You're so fucking hot, Sam," I said. Why was I thanking somebody for getting me off? I was totally feeling this brother, and I already thought a lot about him, even though I didn't really know anything about him... oops. I mean, I knew all the important details, like his name and basic information. But at that moment, all I was thinking about was more. More of this man in my life. "I really want to see you again, you're a perfect 10," I offered, hoping that he had some sort of interest in me (aside from the physical). I have a lot to offer someone, I wondered if he'd be the one.

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea," Sam replied. My heart instantly broke. Why does this keep happening? All I want is to not be alone. Guys always see me as someone to have fun with, but not somebody to get with. I wish someone would hit it and stick with it.

"Why, what do you mean," I asked. Maybe he was just kidding. It's me, how can somebody not like me?

"You're really hot too, and there's a lot of amazing things about you, but I don't really see us dating or even really hooking up again. I mean, you seem like a great guy, don't get me wrong, but you've just got this reputation. What am I, guy 5,000? I find it hard to take you seriously." It wasn't like that! I wanted to love him. That's all I want, is that why it will never happen?

I've recently realized I'm someone who doesn't have any physical boundaries.

Mark 2,475

It seems like just about everybody has got one question on their minds. Who's your daddy? I didn't get lucky when it comes to dads, and only recently have I given up the search, after a several year long run of searching for one. Will you be my daddy?

When I moved away from my parents house and went to college, I thought socializing would come easier. I'd been popular in high school, I've always been really grown up for my age. It's ironic that I still look 16 even though I'm almost 21 now, but that's not my fault. I can't help it if when I smile my eyes don't wrinkle. I'm not disingenuous, it's merely the biological architecture of my face that makes me look so stoic. That and I'm hard. But that's another story.

The truth is life is like high school all over again, but in different places. Sometimes I get scared and think that this is how life is going to be forever. I got involved with a man, for purposes of the story I'll just call him the lawyer.

***

It was late afternoon/early evening on a Thursday. That morning I had been stuck in a rather stressful physics lab- in short the measurements my group was getting were not what they should have been, and when the lab instructor tells you to just lie about the numbers I always feel defeated. It makes me feel like I won't be a good scientist. Anyways, I was at Starfucks picking up my drink, forgetting the frustrations of the a.m. hours and anticipating the many more frustrations that seem to come my way daily. I quickly sat down to text my room mate and call a friend back, when a clean cut attractive blond man sat down next to me at the small 2 person table. All of a sudden he locked eyes with mine. "Hi, I couldn't help but notice you from across the room, you got the same drink as me. My name's John. What's yours?"

"Kyle," I responded. My name is Mark, but I never tell anyone I just meet my real name. When I'm feeling receptive yet cautious, my mouth usually spits out Kyle. When I'm feeling sexy and powerful it's Buck, but that's another story (rhymes with fuck).

"Kyle, I think you're really beautiful. You're just so statuesque..."

"Actually, my name is Mark." I don't know why I lied to a clean looking guy like that, I mean he probably has money. "I just tell people my name is Kyle if I think they're sketchy." Did I mention that I don't trust anyone? Everyone I ever loved ended up dead, or betraying me on a fundamental level. I don't even trust myself to do the right thing. The lawyer laughed.

"What's so questionable about me? Do you think I'm going to take you home fuck you then kill you? Or kill you then fuck you. Mark is a cute name anyways, you should be proud of it." All of a sudden I started feeling this guy, anyone with a sense of humor is someone I want to know. Nobody can ever make me laugh! Laughing is all I want. Laughter and passionate sex. "Why don't I just call you golden boy, cause you're the one who has what everyone else wants."

I love how people think they can get you on their side through compliments, because it usually works, which meant that I had to pull a fast one. Gotta keep em guessing, I always say. "You're old enough to be my dad," I said. I wonder how this cocky old asshole is going to act now. I was surprised that only a few seconds had gone by in this conversation, yet it had already (indirectly) went straight to sex. I often wonder if the way to a man's heart is through his stomach or his dick.

"I am old enough to be your dad. But you're old enough to make your own decisions, and enter into legally binding contracts, so I think it's ok if I talk to you." I searched the man's face. Everyone just wants something from you, but what did think guy want from me? A challenge? Something young, beautiful, and pure that could be content to stand in someone's shadow and be a kept man? Cause I could so easily be that guy.

"So daddy, what do you do for a living?" I asked.

"I'm a high powered attorney," He replied. "Basically I lie, cheat, and steal for sketchy people who have so much money it does nothing but cause them problems." So, basically he was telling me he's a tool. I love it when people's lives mean nothing yet on the surface they appear to be successful. "What career path are you looking to go down, buddy?" Was he being dismissive? I know I'm white trash, but it's never ok when other people remind me. It makes me competitive.

"I'm studying to be a scientist so I can cure AIDS," I replied. "I mean, that's on my list, but I really have so many more schemes up my sleeve." His face looked older, but strangely attractive. I'm sure when he was young this guy was a stud. He looks healthy, maybe in his early 30s, but it's hard to tell. I wanted to see what his dick looked like.

"Wow, that sounds really ambitious," the guy said with a smile. I couldn't help but automatically wonder if this man before me happened to be HIV positive. I mean, I had just been socialized to expect that the generation before me is basically 100% pos. At the same time, I didn't mean to be abrasive to someone who could potentially benefit me. Stop acting like a bitch for no reason Mark, you're not in the club hooking up with another sweaty white trash nothing, this guy might be loaded. Act cute and smile, don't be negative. Tell them what they want to hear.

"It just makes me sad that we've already lost so many special gay people. I want to make sure it ends with me. More difficult things have been done than find a cure." The sad fact is what I was saying really was true. I love to get preachy, it makes me feel assertive.

"That really touches my heart. I've lost a lot of people close to me already. When I was goring up it was a very different time- there were not gay people on TV, or in political power. Back then, your friends were your family, so it made it so much harder to loose people. I've already been to too many funerals. Sex isn't supposed to kill." This personal anecdote was making this guy grow on me, even though I didn't really know why.

"Well, in case you are, you can always pay me to cure it, I already figured out a way to regrow an immune system." People always think I'm being facetious, when I'm trying to be real.

"I guess I just happened to get lucky. That's what other people tell me, that I'm lucky for being negative, but since I've seen so many people die I'm left to wonder if I actually am lucky. I've had a lot of sex, just not with a lot of people." Just because he was telling me that didn't make it true. Another post modern dilemma. I knew where this was going.

"Hey it's such a nice day, and we're so close to the beach. Do you want to go for a walk?" I offered. I had a feeling this one had beach front property."

"Yeah, let's go for a ride in my car. I live really close to the beach anyways. It's a Friday night, after all." What was that supposed to mean? Did he want to go to tiger heat with me, cause I wouldn't be caught dead in a public place with this guy, what would other people think? Basically, that he's my sugar daddy and I'm a gold digger, and I'm not. I can make my own way through this world, thank you very much. Mo money, mo problems, isn't that what Tupac said?

***

It was about 8 p.m. and the rusty crimson sky behind the flawless Malibu shoreline had just began to turn red from yellow. How did I get here, and why am I hanging out in a beach front mansion? I'm just another nothing from the inland empire. It's not like I let people know that, but it's the sad, broken truth. What about when this guy tries to get fresh with me? Am I supposed to oppose someone who is "powerful" and my second most pressing question- what is wrong with this guy? On the surface he seems perfect, which means that there's something fundamentally flawed underneath the exterior. Does he have a dungeon in the basement full of all sorts of terrible things he plans on doing to me?

"You told me you like jagermeister," he said, handing me a drink. I was surprised he remembered such a minor detail from our "romantic walk on the beach" which consisted of him asking me about myself and me talking about myself. I think he could tell that I'm guarded, which I am, but I will reveal anything about myself if somebody just asks. I'm so not mysterious, I wish I could answer questions with questions and be untouchable and exotic.

"I'm surprised that you remembered," I replied.

"Actually, I remember everything you told me. You were born a few days after me surprisingly, only in 1986, which makes me 19 years older than you- in short old enough to be your father. Your real father fucked you as a child, then disappeared for good when you were in your early teens. Your mom was a tool, but you can't help loving her, same as most gay boys. People used to make fun of you, and you were really unpopular until you turned 16, and became super hot, which made you humble, even though I'd go out on a limb and call you a diva. Your favorite movie is Hackers, and your favorite drink is jagermeister. You have no religious views, and find christianity to be a cult, which is is. You've been registered with the green party since you've been able to vote. You want to get rid of all the pollution through bioaugmenting single celled organisms, among other things. Your favorite color is yellow, and you have a pet rat named Cher. You want to be as famous as Madonna. Do you want me to go on?" Was this guy a psychic vampire, and trying to steal all my energy? Maybe I reminded him of himself at a much younger age. Why did he care enough to remember?

"Wow, I'm surprised you were listening that entire time, now I wish I hadn't disclosed so much information. In fact, you know too much, so now I have to kill you." The lawyer laughed. It makes me feel good when other people like my dark sense of humor- it's the only way for me, I just can't help hating slapstick. Why doesn't everyone have a dark sense of humor- have then never been through shit before or not? It seems like the darker the sense of humor, the worse the person suffered. "Well, let me rack my brain about your past. You grew up on the east coast to a wealthy family, then got shuffled through systems, institutions, and avenues of affluence that were pre set up for white men until you arrived in law school, where you schmoozed your way into a position of power using a combination of good looks and good personality." Should I go there? Yeah, I think I should. "But at the end of the day, you're left alone. Your heart holds deep sadness, because you know at the end of the day, your life is just as meaningless as the Mexican woman who cleans your toilet. You haven't done anything to make the world a batter place, in fact you have used your intelligence and hard work to nothing aside from preserve money to the upper class in our unequal, stratified society. You've always wanted it all, but somehow you've managed to amass such a large amount of wealth that you now realized nobody will ever love you for you, and any guy you get with will only be after one thing- your money. So, you try to find wholeness through working out, traveling, and telling yourself you're very fulfilled, that you have everything, and your life is perfect. Does this sound like an accurate read?"

His eyes were dark, and if they were seeing inside his brain. "How do you know so much?" was all he could say. I would try to explain my psychic powers, but I knew that would just come out sounding a little too new age, and that's not even me cause I'm an abercrombie and fitch kind of guy in the first place.

"Well, there's a million guys like me in the world, guys with big dreams and lofty ambitions that we both know are never going to really materialize. But, just like there's a million guys like me, there's a million guys like you too. You're not a unique person, in spite of not being average. Our brains are just running on scrips and schemas, we're both playing a role. Didn't I mention my theory about how life is one big reality TV episode?"

"I really want to kiss you, Mark. I don't think you're white trash. You're a really cool guy." That's what they all say. His mouth latched onto my fat lower lip and he sucked gently. It was the end of the day on a Friday, and his face was stubbly, which felt good. I wondered if he was going to shave in the morning, or if I would even be in this house when it was morning. Why do I insist on reliving my childhood issues over and over? Was this guy going to feed me, because all I had since breakfast was starfucks, and I was really hungry and basically broke until Tuesday (I had been scouring my college apartment for saltines).

To make a long story short, I messed around with the lawyer too many times that I fell in love, and it really hurt me when he wouldn't try to take the next step with me. Our whole sex life consisted of us kissing, and him touching me or sucking my dick, it was pretty one sided. Maybe I should have been more open, it seemed like he didn't get off on the idea of molesting me.

Destiny 4,675

"Girl, every man is a dog, pure and simple," Gina confessed to me as if I had never thought of that shit on my own.

"Bitch, who gives a fuck about men? So many boys, so little time, that's what I always say. I don't let playas fuck around with my shit, fuck that. See, you gotta use psychology against them. Be a Playette." Gina was always kind of naive when it came to niggas. She was the kind of bitch who would try to be friends with a nigga after she wasn't fuckin him no more. Since I grew up without a dad, I had to learn how to play the game with guys from myself. Well, I did get a lot of guidance from Mama O, the legendary Oprah Winfrey, goddess herself. I still remember being 14, dressin like a ho and suckin down slurpees after class in the early afternoon, which turned into giving slurpees to most of the football team, over the course of about 3 months. I had just discovered sex, and my appetite was, for lack of a better word, voracious. Those young guys can fuck so good, as long as you jerk em off first. See, them motherfuckers go bustin nuts after 2 minutes. Just jerk em off one time, then their fuck will be enough to get a bitch off. I just loved it- the feeling, the connection, knowing that I was a sexy fuck. Most of what was getting me off was knowing how much the guy wanted me, that he wanted to fuck me more than any other girl. People who know me well do call me a freak, but those hoes is just jealous. Bitch ain't give a shit.

"Girl, that's just called hoin' straight up. Gs up, bitch ain't give a fuck. If I start fucking all dem niggas, then they start going to they friends talkin shit, running they fat ass mouths being like, call that bitch Gina, she's down for anything. She always wanna suck a dick. That's why I put some limits on how much I fuck. Plus, everybody got AIDs and shit, can't ever know who has what." I loved how that bitch always felt as though every other bitch problem is her own, and since she got everyone else's problems running through her mind, she has to play the roll of "Oprah from the block," the only thing missing is the sizable charitable donations.

"G, if that works for you, then I think you gotta roll with it. We just roll. Ain't nobody passin judgement on you, so don't try to go run your mouth to me again, talking shit, calling me a ho. So long as sex is safe and consensual, then there's no problem. I'm sure jesus ain't give a shit that I gone and fucked hella brothers from around the way. I do what I do, and I get what I want. It's better to realize what guys can do for you, and focus on your relationship with yourself anyways, in the long term bitch will be hella happier." Seriously, I take that shit back, because that bitch is so god damned judgmental, I blame it on her fucking crazy catholic childhood, that shit would fuck any bitch up plain and simple, you know what I'm sayin? I'd never let it be known, but I am the real Oprah. Hella people think I'm a greedy, crazy, bitch but those fools don't know shit, and they should try to get to know me better. This bitch cares about people, and if we want to keep it funky real, your girl Destiny be the real Oprah from the block up in this bitch. Shit.

"Well, I got to go girl, you have fun tonight in the club! Say hi to for me Raysean when you see his ass." You know when you have a friend who's into some guy, but the guy's only into you, and so you get put in that shitspace between your friend and your fuck? It was another one of those innumerable time for this bitch, your girl, Destiny Michelle Tyler-Phillips. I've always thought I happen to have the name of a star. My first screen name on aim was born2befamous69- it's cute right? I ain't go on that shit no more, but back when I was getting slurpees after school I was on that shit all kinds, runnin my mouth to hella guys- I've never felt that way before, Tyrone I'd type to a brother, but just to tease him. Rakim, you're so dreamy, I think you're the one for me. D'Antoine, you have the best cock of any nigga in the world. Montel, fuck me! You're the best fuck, D'Avione. Darnelle, work that pussy, motherfuka! D'Ante, cum in my fuck hole! That's how I learned to be a playette, talking up hella guys in 5 conversations all on one computer screen. This bitch ain't give a shit, I do what I want, and I fuck whoever I want. I love dick. I love that shit in my pussy, in my mouth, cumming in my hands, I even love that shit in my ass. I think I might have been a gay man in past life, lol. I try not to fuck in the ass too much, because my ass got kind of loose, and I know it's hella easier to get shit from fucking in the ass. But I just like it so much!

---

It was about 10 p.m. and I was getting my shit ready for the club. I was meeting Raysean at the club, damn that nigga be fine as hell! Did I give you a description of his ass? About 5'9" and solid- big arms, big chest, nice abs. I don't really know what he does, I mean most niggas look fine as on they own, but this nigga takes it to the next step. That motherfucker's really hard. This bitch got a one track mind. I live close to downtown, a career girl like myself can afford it, especially since I don't have a loser boyfriend eating up my cash flow. I used to be a stripper, but that was just to get myself through college- now I work as a social worker. I do my best to try and help people, whether they find it in themselves to strive for success or not is not this bitch's problem. I may not be rich, but sure as hell ain't in any kind of debt, and in about 10 more years I'll be able to buy a house, so as far as success goes, I know I can make it alone. Not too bad for a sister in her mid 20s, who grew up in the hood. I'm proud of where I came from, it only highlights my success in face of many obstacles. I'm a strong woman. I got in a cab, cause a cab from my crib to the club is only about $5.

I knew I had arrived before him, I've got a third eye, and that shit is never wrong. I knew I'd have about 15 minutes to myself before he got there, so I decided to check out the guys. They were ok, as a woman I know sex is always available to me any time I want, so if Raysean was going to act like a pussyfoot nigga yet again, I'm sure I could find a guy to take me home. I went up to the bar, they were playin my jam from back in the day- Freak Like Me. Damn, I used to get my groove on to that shit back in the day. One thing I've always loved to do is dance, I don't even need no drink in me. But since I was at the bar alone, waiting for some broke ass guy to come and entertain me for the night, I ordered a cosmo. I was done with my second one, when I felt a familiar yet distant hand on my shoulder. Did I forget to mention that me and Raysean hadn't fucked yet, but I had been trying to ride that shit for like, more than a hot minute? "Yo, hey Destiny my girl, what's up?" Raysean asked me. Damn, some guys just didn't know how to be smooth.

"I am well my brother, chillin, killin, shootin some b ball outside of the school." Fresh Prince was my favorite show growing up. I don't know, I've always been kind of a tomboy, I guess that's why I try to keep it real with guys. "Hella drama at work again today, I just gotta keep dealing with this one tweaker bitch with like, 3 kids, I don't know. Once a tweaker always a tweaker, as I like to say." It was then that I realized that Raysean had another brother with him, my 2 drinks had totally numbed my peripheral visions and shit. "Are you going to introduce me to your friend? Is this your cousin you're always talking about?"

"Haha, no this is just my best bud, my number one nigga, ever since grade school."

"And what's your name, may I ask?" This guy was seriously a perfect 10, and right about now he was looking a little better to me that Raysean.

"Hi, I'm Dgeorge. It's a pleasure to meet you." He gave me a subtle smirk of a smile, and flashed me some very white teeth, while he raised my hand to his lips and kissed it. Wtf. Damn, not only was this man another nigga fine as hell, he also knew how to be smooth! That nigga had hazel eyes, and light skin, with chisled features. I think he might have been Chinese Jamaican, just like Naomi Campbell herself. Hot slanted eyes, nigga be fine. Raysean looked like what I would call "an American black person" really to me he was kind of like the guy next door. I mean, he looks like Punk from I Love New York 2.

"So, Dgeorge, how to you know Raysean?" If there's one thing I'm good at it's shootin the shit with guys. If you act inhibited and nervous, then they're just going to read you as a girl who gets fucked, and we all know that all guys want a girl who fucks, not some bitch who gets fucked. See, you can fuck a bitch one time, but a bitch who fucks, a bitch whose pussy sucks your dick into it, is a bitch you want to fuck over and over again, the bitch who got a hold of those nuts, the motherfucking HBIC. But right now I was just looking into this dark man's light eyes, and I wanted to know more.

"We grew up together, if there's one nigga who got my back, it's Rayray. He's a down ass brother." Is it just me, or do I end up reading all male closeness as a gay vibe? Not like I give a shit, both times I had a 3 way with 2 guys, I tried hella hard to get them to touch each other, but you know how guys are. They want some bitch to take it and take it, and beg for more, anything less is not what they're supposed to do. No wonder guys is always miserable, and always getting played by some sneaky ho. They sat down next to me, one on each side, and we began to shoot the shit. There's one type of nigga who I always got the weakness for- an educated black man, and both of these motherfuckas was hot to me, both highly educated, with valid and relevant opinions on all sorts of shit. I've met a million guys who can stimulate my cllit, but a guy who can stimulate my mind is another matter. But you know what your girl Destiny always says- so many boys, so little time.

Some time went on, and I was approaching my going out limit of 3 drinks in a night. I'm not 18 anymore, stripping and showing my pussy for dollar bills. I mean, I used to be able to be drunk all night, when I was a teenager. Plus, drinking a lot kind of dulled the pain of being a sex worker, but we're all sex workers in the end hunny, best believe. I just try to take care of myself, I mean, I plan on living as long as I can. "Let's dance!" I said, as they put on one of my favorite Beyonce songs. I got up, and took the guys hands to the floor. I love hip hop clubs because if you're smart enough to remain sober, you can see a freak show all night, and by freak show I mean people being freaky and showing it to everybody. Before I knew what was happening, I had Raysean grinding on my from the front, and Dgeorge grinding on my ass from the back. I can get into this. I hella did not think it was going to be one of those nights.

Raysean whispered in my ear, "Do you want to get fucked by 2 niggas?" He was finally putting out for me, so I guess I did something right. And everybody knows 2 dicks are better than none!

"What you and your friend should really be asking yourself," then I paused, but only for dramatic effect. Ok, Destiny, your whole life is an act. Like Madonna says, all the world is a stage. Look down, purse your lips. Come up smoldering, with a smirk. "What you should be asking yourself, is can 2 niggas bring enough dick for the force of Nature that is Destiny Tyler-Phillips." God men are so easy. Just tell them what they want to hear, and then they'll do whatever you want. Knowing that these 2 guys were all about me, and had most likely talked about fucking me at the same time was getting me wet. I love answering questions with more questions.

"Do you feel like going back to your house?" Dgeorge whispered in my ear, from the back. You don't have to ask me twice.

---

It was about 1:45a.m. when I got those men into my apartment. It was Friday night, which meant that I did have to be anywhere for more than 72 hours. Perfect for the come down I always get after a night of really intense fucking. I started making out with Dgeorge, and he was a really good kisser. He licks his lips before he goes in, that shit always gets me. Always gotta lick the lips. I let him take off my shirt, so I was left in a bra, miniskirt, and heals. "Damn, bitch be fine! Girl you got the tits, the ass, the sass. What ain't you got?"

"A millionaire husband," I replied, since it seemed like he felt like keeping it real. Guys want what they can't have, so if you keep this man feeling inferior to you, then he'll always be looking at a sister with goddess proportions inside his head. Sometimes I think I got named Destiny so I would always be thinking about my Destiny, shaping the world to fit my wants, desires, and needs. Like I said, I'm a strong black woman. Dgeorge laughed, and Raysean appeared behind me, naked. He has a big thick body, and a big thick dick, skin like smooth black coffee, with big shoulders and a strong neck. Like a bitch, he was naked except for white socks. I just won't say anything.

"I want to see you strip," I said to Dgeorge. Now that I finally got a hold of Raysean, I was going to pretend like I didn't give a shit. It's what I do.

"Alright, anything for a beautiful woman." He took off his shirt, and he was just as big as Raysean. I like men with big shoulders. He kind of had the body of a football player, and I could already see his dick growing hard in his baggy jeans. "Are you ready for this Chinese Jamaican cock?" he asked me. See, I had a feeling. Thank you, Naomi Campbell.

He pulled down his underwear and pants at the same time, and stepped out of his jeans, removing his socks. See he knew what was up. His dick was about an inch or two bigger than Raysean's this was going to be fun to play with, because now I could make Raysean feel more inadequate. His dick was uncut, his thick foreskin still hung around his dick head as he was getting hard, just looking at a woman in a bra. Men, sigh. Foreigners and their uncut dicks. Is there any reason why they cut apart the penis in America anyways? Maybe I'll google it when I'm not so busy.

So now I was in this situation that I'd only been in twice before. I pulled off my skirt and stepped out of my heels, then let me bra fall to the floor. "Before you do anything, I want to see you niggas kiss, and jerk each other off a little." I figured it was worth a shot. I don't fucking understand why every man can watch two woman fake fuck and get off on it, then turn into a bitch when a woman wants you to mess around with another man for her enjoyment. I was going to make them do what I wanted. Raysean looked kind of scared, but I could tell he needed a catalyst like me. They'd probably done that shit with each other a million times, and never speak about and just pretend like it doesn't happen. Men, they're just so easy. Do you seriously think I haven't messed around with other bitches? I've let a girl eat my pussy hella times, but all in college. I don't think I'm bi, dick is just too appealing to me. Not like I would ever pass judgement on somebody, I can just never say no to a good dick

I watched the 2 guys sit on the bed, side by side, as they began to embrace. I could tell they didn't know how to kiss each other, and they were holding back. Raysean reched over and grabbed Dgeorge's thick dick, moving the skin over his head. Dgeorge shuddered the first time he did it, but when he tried to reciprocate, it seemed like he was a little clueless with a cut American penis, because he grabbed the base and tried to jack him off from there. Oh well. It was really turning me on watching these guys mess around, and even more so knowing that they were really just into me. "This feels weird," one of them said, I'm not sure who.

"Shut the fuck up, you know you love it," I exclaimed as a I jumped onto my queen sized bed. How was I going to fit 3 black people who were really ready to fuck on that shit? I hope my bed doesn't fall apart. "I don't know Raysean, Dgeorge's cock is just so much bigger than yours. Maybe I'll make him fuck you with it." I wasn't being that serious, although I would love to see a man get really tore the fuck up just so I could be like, that's what it feels like to get this shit fucked out of you. Guys love it when you talk dirty.

Raysean grabbed my right nipple as I I started kissing him really deep, slow, and passionately, as Dgeorge began to suck on my other tit, his middle finger in my pussy and his thumb on my clit, rubbing me up and getting me wet. I get wet so fucking easily, but only if I'm turned on. I always want to fuck. More than anything, the body contact with 2 men was what really was getting me off. I felt men all over me, their hard muscular bodies and body hair rubbing all over my shit. That's what I'm talking about. Thick african arms, and strong african bodies. Guys were made to pleasure me. I started to kiss Dgeorge, I could tell my mouth was not going to get a break tonight. I switched positions, and started to suck Dgeorge's dick, as Raysean moved his face between my legs and sucked my clit, his other hand on that same tit. I guess he favors that one. "Nigga, lick that fuckin cunt. Eat that clit. Lick that shit. Yeah nigga. That's what I'm talking about." I love sucking uncut dicks. They're easier to get off, cause they got all their shit intact. Not like it's hard to make a man cum, I just find it easier. I mean, it slides around easier, it seems to make sense to me.

I didn't know where to take this night? What kinds of freaky shit did these guys even want to do to me? Did they want me to be their ultimate fuck hole, as guys so often do when their in the situation? Cause I was totally ok with that. I get lazy when I fuck. I always think that if a camera were there, I would get hella modivated, but when it's just me in my real life, I don't always feel like burning all these calories, and shit. "Do you think you can do a DP?" Raysean asked me. I knew these niggas was going to ask this bitch to pull a bunch of porno star tricks. I was feeling lazy (what can I say, I'm a bottom) but I guess I my desire to perfom won out in the end, cause I onwe of them to grab the vaseline from the bathroom. Usually I just get fucke din my pussy, but I know how to ass fuck just as good as any porno ho. I knew that homoerotic vibe I was getting earlier was for a reason.

I told Dgeorge to lie on his back, then I made Raysean put vaseline all over his dick. I'm sure it turned him on, even though he pretended like he didn't want to touch another man's cock. I also had him put some vaseline up my ass, then I sat on Dgeorge's dick. It took me a while to get it in, but as soon as I did, he was able to thrust fairly easily in and out of my shitbox. I was sitting on his dick, my back to his stomach, leaving my pussy ready and willing to accept Raysean's huge dick. I thought about the first time we met, how he has a happy go lucky look in his eyes, kind of like a little boy's, and I just couldn't help but thinking about what sex with him would be like. Now here I am, wet, horny, and turned on, with his friend's dick in my asshole. I guess I didn't think it was going to be like this. He put the head of his dick up on my pussy, and teased me with it. "Stick that dick my cunt, motherfucker," I let out with the gasp of a bitch with a dick in her ass.

"You like that, bitch!? You can never get enough cock. Yeah, fuck that shit, Dgeorge. Fuck that bitch ass." These guys were trying to be hard, but they still seemed like lost little boys. I often wonder if men do some things because they actually want to, or because it's what they think they're supposed to do. I guess we'll never know. I do wish I could come back as a man, I just want to know what it feels like to have a dick. I could only keep getting fucked like that for about 10 minutes, there's only so much a girl can take.

"If you're planning on sticking that dick in my pussy, then you have to wash that shit off," I told Dgeorge. I wasn't really in the mood for an ass to pussy, I guess I should say I wasn't in the mood for a bladder infection all one of these niggas I ain't never fucked before. He went to the bathroom to wash the shit off his dick, while Raysean climbed on top of me and started fucking me some more. He was pressing my body down, all of his body rubbing against me, and the whole body contact was really turning me on. He always paid attention to the clit, amen to that. Some guys act as if it's my job to get myself off. If you're lucky enough to be fucking this crazy bitch then bect believe it's up to nobody other than you to get that shit off. All of a sudden, Raysean started shaking, and pulled out of me. "Fuck, I'm going to come, I didn't want to cum yet!"

I grabbed his dick and made him shoot all over my stomach and tits. Dgeorge had come back from my bathroom, and was laying next to my kissing my neck as Raysean squirted. "Way to go, I always had a feeling that Dgeorge would be a better fuck than you, bitch ass nigga. Dgeorge, fuck me with that shit." I still hadn't come, it usually takes me a lot. I look at porn almost every day, some girls just can't get enough. As long as I kept these guys feeling inadequate in the face of each other, I could keep fucking them all night, and hopefully again when I woke up tomorrow, it would be probably be around 11. Dgeorge climbed on top of me, and stuck his fat, black, uncute penis into my welcoming vagina. I was so swampy, shit that pussy was kind of tore up from all that thrusting already. In a way, I was a little bit embarassed how just one guy couldn't get me off, it was probably from having to focus while getting buttfucked, cause I have to take deep breaths and shit to keep my hole open.

"Damb bitch, this be some bomb ass pussy." Hadn't I heard that one before. Raysean switched between laying partially on top of me kissing me, and then batting his half erect penis all over my lips and face while Dgoerge went to town on that bomb ass pussy.

"Fuck that shit, oh my fucking god. I think I'm going to cum. Push down on my pelvic bone!" Not every girl can squirt, but if I get enough penetration, I can squirt pretty good. Raysean pussed down on my shit while Dgeorge fucked me hella good, and worked on my clit. All the stimulation was driving me crazy, I don't want this feeling to ever end. I started to dribble that clear shit out as my orgasm began to come on. As I started to cum, hella cum started to leak out of my pussy. I was squirting all over this pelvis balls and thighs.

'Holy shit, this is graphic. I can't belive what this bitch can do!" Raysean said from over my shoulder. I was in that 30 second spance of time, where I've just come, and I can't see even if I open my eyes, and I can't really talk either, although I'm sure my neighbors heard the screams. I wanted to laugh though. Guys love it when girls squirt, it makes them feel like they can do something right, for once. My pussy was too overstimulated for the time being, so when I wasn't out of it anymore, I started to lick the tip of Dgoerge's dick, and he blew it in about 30 seconds flat. Finally, a man who can hold off until I get mine.

"You best not be getting tried guys," I said, satisfied with what I had done to them. "Men are only as good as they're dicks, and I know you're all dogs."

"Woof," Dgeorge replied with a joking laugh.

Vanessa 3,343

Every time I was up, I'm super horny. The first thing I do as soon as I come back to consciousness is to push down hard on my clit- I don't really cum, but it just feels so satisfying. I've been in college for about a year and a half, so sharing a living space with someone has kind of put a damper on my sex life. I don't mind my room mate, she's just always there. When I first moved to the city I was so excited to start being myself, and hopefully find other queer women. I've dated girls, but never had a girlfriend, which is what I'm really looking for. I just know I couldn't spend a lot of time with someone unless we're really sexually compatible.

As soon as I'd lived in a metropolitan area for a few months, I realized that urban dykes are even harder to deal with than those in the suburbs. All they want to do is play games, they act like fucking little boys, or worse, self obsessed bitchy pillow princesses. I just want to find a real girl, someone I can relate to and keep talking to and not get sick of her, or turned off by her stupidity. I know what I am, I know I'm hot, and it's not hard for me to get girls into my bed for the times when I want to get my fuck on.

But there has been one girl, Vanessa, who has had my attention since I first got to school. I met her about 3 months after moving here, and we connected on a mental/spiritual level but we've never fucked. You know when you're so infatuated and attracted to someone that you just can't be the one to make the first move?

---------------------



The cold November air rolls across the streets, and around the buildings. Vanessa and I had gone out for coffee at a hot local spot. Well, tea I should say, because we were at a tea bar that does espresso drinks. Well, it's really the coffee shop of an independent bookstore that actually has really reputable feminist speakers who come and read from their latest works...

I'm digressing.

The place is what I like to call, "dyke central," it's basically the end all place for women who want to meet women. Between the gay ghetto and the real ghetto, it's basically a place where all the hip queer people go, in short all the girls are andro, and dress up like hipster boys.

"...and so for me, it's hard discussing post-modernism and not bringing in the existentialist elements. So what do you think, Molly?" Vanessa never called me Molly, always M.H. short for Molly Handler. Shit, I had been staring at Vanessa's mouth for such a long time that I only heard the last few words. I hate it when people are smarter than I am, it's one of the few situations where I turn into a quiet submissive femme, instead of the diesel femme I really happen to be.

"I hate existentialism," I offered. "Who wants to be sad all day, talking shit, pretending like there's no point to life, anyways? Only a broke down old politically jaded dyke would get into shit like that." Fuck, has I just been too opinionated for my own good, but more importantly, for Vanessa's tastes? She let out a belly laugh, so I knew I was scoring points. It's me, Vanessa, I'm the one for you. I would love you forever, and never leave you. It's me, I'm the one. I would never say it out loud, but I had been secretly in love with her for going on half a year at this point. I'd already indirectly fucked her, through having sex one of her former sex partners. I only did it in the hopes of making her jealous, even though it didn't do shit.

"So what do you want most out of life, M.H.?" she asked me. What do I want most out of life? I can't pretend like I hadn't thought about it. I guess I just didn't know. I had to think of something. Impress her.

"I want it all." I replied after a short pause. "I want the career I've always dreamed of, to teach at a univeristy, maybe even in other countries. I want to write books about gender, stratified societies, and the psychopharmacologicalsocialization of womyn with a y. I want to find the love of my life and adopt a child with her. I want amazing sex 5 times a day. I wand a dog, a alternatively fueled car, and a garden. I want a house in the country, and a house by the beach..."

"Wow, ambitious are we?" Vanessa sat back in her chair. Vanessa was born in March, I knew she was a Pisces, and I knew I could never really ever penetrate her dreamy eyes. "I just want to express myself, and hopefully that takes me to the right people who really want what I have. I just want to relax, and enjoy my life. I'd rather live for today, I never really think about tomorrow, and as for money I'll probably always just be a middle class singer/songwriter who has a day job working with homeless kids. I want to be an old acitvist lez."

Why is that so hot to me, I thought to myself. This is totally not the type of person that I should be drawn to. I'm just a str8 laced Jewish girl at heart, why do I always go for the "bad girl type," I wonder if this has something to do with my parents and/or childhood...

"It seems like it's always going to be the Vanessa show." What the fuck did I just say! That's not what I meant. For hald a second I thought I fucked up my chance with her by being bitchy, but she busted out laughing.

"Raor! You're spicey, but most importantly, you're real. I really admire a lot about you, I hadn't really had a chance to really sit down with you and see what your big plan for yourself happened to be. I mean, we've started to get kind of close over the past few weeks. It's weird, because I didn't feel like our friendship was going to become this intimate that first time I met you, I think it was about a year ago? In fact, a lot of people told me that you're sketchy, you have the reputation for being a drug mooch in fact, in case you didn't know what your friends are saying about you behind your back."

"Bitches. I don't trust anyone." Life's a gamble and you never know who you can trust, usually it's nobody but yourself. "I used to have a little problem with blow, but I don't have that problem no more." My eyes offered honesty, I looked into her dark eyes and tried to tell her with my raw emotions painting themselves on my face.

"No worries babe. We all are up to our own shit, as long as you can take care of all your business who gives a fuck, right? Did I mention that I'm a business woman? Hahahha." Vanessa was kind of ghetto. She always had this unescapable lower middle class air about her, which for one reason or another always turned me on a lot- in short I felt as though she's be able to handle shit, basically the kind of girl who could protest me, and maybe even kick someone's ass if necessary. "I think I'm over this place. Do you want to jet? We could go listen to some tech house at The Town Pump up on main and expressway blvd. Or we could go to the movies. Is there anything you've been wanting to see that's out right now?"

"Why don't we go back to my house?" I loved the random occasions I happen to be sooo fucking smooth with chicks. "I have some weed, we could smoke and look up something cool to do on the Internet." I remained aloof, when people are in their 20s and still worried about everybody thinking they're cool, you have to always be one step ahead and beating them at their own game. It's kind of fun actually.

"I've got my other helmet strapped to my bike, do you want to go for a ride M.H.?"

"I'd love to go for a ride, Vanessa." We walked outside, it was sunny all of a sudden, and the faint sound of birds calling to each other could be heard over the traffic from the small 2 city square blocks called an "urban park" across the street. She had a hot bike, a black 90s Honda that looked like a Harley, but wasn't. I'd only ridden her bike a few times before, and, horrifyingly enough, my pussy happens to gets wet from the vibrations. Shit, what was I supposed to do if it leaks through, and how am I going to keep it together while straddling her on a bike?

"Hop on." We drove the 18 blocks to my house up into the hills. It had nice views, I'll always give it that. Who cares if it's far from downtown? She parked in front of my apartment complex, and I hopped off. I looked down, and there was a small wet spot between my legs, that could be concealed, so long as I keep my legs tightly held together. We walked up the stairs, and I opened the red door. What can I say about my place? Umm, I burn a lot of incense. Thank Buddha my room mate was going to be gone for the next half a week. We share a 1 bedroom apartment, and when only one person is there, it's beyond sweet for a college girl like me who is often on a budget. We're going to pretend like it's never a tight budget.

"You held on to me really tight, were you nervous being on my bike?" Vanessa asked, her eyes meeting mine from 3 feet away.

"No, not really," I replied. Of course I was, and my pussy was getting wet, I wish I could tell her what the truth was, because I felt like it would make her laugh. Or maybe totally turned off, its hard to tell with her, she seems to go both ways a lot. It's hard to tell what she's thinking and feeling, because she's not exactly super self aware. I guess that was just always part of her charm for me. And her smirk.

"Why don't you lay down, I'll give you a massage and loosen you up. My mom, well, my mom died when I was young, but I had an older sister who was like already in her 20s when I it happened and she was a massage therapist. She showed me everything I know. I mean, I'm not certified, but you'll only feel better than you do now, I promise."

How did it suddenly jump to this situation? My elation ran through my body like a drug, and I felt light headed euphoric, yet uncertain expectation.

"Ok. Should I umm, take my shirt off?"

"If you want to." I pulled my shirt over my head, and shook my hair out. It only went down to my shoulders, but it was the longest it had ever been in my life. Long story about being a former butch. Now I wear shirts and even makeup sometimes, who would have thought? I layed down on my stomach on my bed, and tried to relax. Vanessa was about to touch my naked skin. I wanted to touch her so badly. There was just so much I wanted to do, say, and manifest...

"Wow, you're really tight. I'm going to use deep even pressure to get this out." Her hands felt like magic. She knew so much about the body's architecture, and she definitely knew how to work her way down a girl's back. Before I knew it my jeans were peeled off, and I was left in my panties. I have small boobs, so I never really have to wear a bra. They're small but a cute shape, but I always felt that since I looked too much like a boy, I should dress like one. Sometimes I wear sports bras, but usually I don't need to. Vanessa still hadn't seen them though, since she set herself to massaging my calves. After another 20 minutes I sat up. I didn't know what else to do, and there had been an awkward silence between the 2 of us for the past 10. "Shit M.H. you have amazing tits."

"Thanks. Wow my back feels so much better," I said, ribbing my eyes. What should I do? Should I go for it? Do I have to be the one to make it happen? Fuck it. I pulled my hands off my face, and pushed her back, she fell against my bed, landing flat on her back. I got on top of her, she had her jeans and a tank top on, but I was just in my underwear at that point. I stuck my tongue in her mouth, I knew it probably felt like I was attacking her face. I could tell she was into it. Political lez, what did she even mean by that?

"I'm glad I'm kissing you," she said to me when I finally came up for air.

"I've been thinking about kissing you for a long time Vanessa," I was being too real for own good. I know what can happens when you let somebody get that close to you. Could I trust a wild card like Vanessa to be real with me, or even perhaps love me?

"So what else have you been thinking about? Did you plan this whole thing?" She asked me, now that she knew that I was deeply attracted to her, she wanted to play.

'Why don't you let me show you?" I replied with a smirk. I pulled off her shirt, her c cup boobs looked healthy and perky. "You have great tits, Vanessa," I said, as I latched onto one and started sucking. She had long hair, and I grabbed a handful of it, pulling her head back, working one tit with my mouth and the other with my fingers.

"I want to touch you," she said as she slipped her fingers under my panties. I had already been a little wet before, but now my pussy was gushing. I was so turned on, she was so hot. Her body is so tight and sexy, and her face always looks really hot, even more so when she doesn't wear makeup, and she never does. Her fingers traced around my clit- tiny circles. It was making me shake, I knew I couldn't cum unless I get a lot of direct stimulation, she was playing with me.

"I want to eat you," I let out, as I pushed her back onto her back, and pulled her jeans off. She wasn't wearing underwear. I pulled my own off, to give her easier access. I started going down on her, and her pussy tasted delicious. She had a really good natural smell, and I wanted her so bad. "Vanessa, you have bomb ass pussy."

"Yeah, lick it! Uhh, it feels so good." I sucked her clit, and tongued it with hard even strokes. I stuck a finger in her, it slipped right in, I could feel that she was really wet inside. I spread her lips and worked her clit. Her pussy got red and swollen, and her chest had turned red as well. I was really turning her on, I could easily observe her sexual flush.

"Can we please 69? It's probably my favorite."

"I want to." We laid side by side, and she started to go to work on me with her fingers and mouth. She was working the fuck out of my clit, she had a lot of energy. It was then that I realized that we would obviously get each other off many times that night. I wanted the night to last forever.

She got on top of me and held me down, kissing me passionately. She spread my thighs with hers, so that she was scissoring me with a lot of pressure. The indirect pressure from her pelvis felt really good. "Your pussy feels so hot and wet," I said. That was all I was thinking. She started to kiss me, while humping me. The whole body contact was really getting me off, and before I knew what hit me I had cum forcefully, she stuck her tongue in my mouth while tweaking a tit, and tactilely ingested my orgasm. Her body felt so good. She was just a little taller than me, maybe only an inch and we fit together like puzzle pieces.

'It doesn't take you much," she told me with a small laugh. I came really quickly, I couldn't help it, because she was so fucking hot.

"It''s because you're just so fucking hot," I exhaled trying to get my head back into place. My whole body felt weird, like someone just beat the shit out of me. I guess like someone beat the shit out of me in a good way. I couldn't move. I had been on the edge for such a long time, the release of coming in front of Vanessa was the hottest sex I'd ever had in my mind. "I need to make you come," I said as I took charge of the situation. I spread her legs apart with my arms, and I began to work on her pussy. She was moaning, making a lot of noise. It seemed kind of like she was only doing it to get herself off anyways, but at the same time I should say that her responsiveness was really sexy to me.

"Molly!" she said as she looked deep into my eyes. Yes. That's what I want to hear. "Molly, you eat pussy so fucking good. Work my clit. I'm gonna cum." It wasn't long before her body began shaking, and she came while I was eating her out. I could feel her fat red lips pulsing as I made her come 2 times in a row, from furiously sucking her slit and finger fucking her while pushing down on her pubic bone. I had been trying to make her squirt, but it didn't happen. Honestly, squirting is just about my favorite thing in the world. Nothing makes me feel like more of an amazing fuck than when I can make a girl's pussy gush all over the place. Maybe I could try again, I thought to myself.

I crawled up next to her and we kissed. "I love kissing after oral sex," I said, as I came up for air. Vanessa smiled as her hand grabbed my ass. Everyone loves kissing after oral sex. I'm sure Vanessa liked the taste of her own pussy.

"You planned this whole thing, didn't you?" she asked me, genuinely questioning my actions of the day. "You planned on messing around with me."

"So what if I did. What do you think about that?" I asked, I was always good at sounding cool even though I'm equally exploding and dying at the same time internally. Keep my cool. Everything's cool. My voice never cracks. Sometimes I think I could make it as an actress.

"I think that's sexy. I want so much more from you, Molly. You're an amazing fuck, I want to make you feel good. You're a really special girl. I see you in my life." Why was she telling me all of this. Did my love spell really work? I had been spinning a web, and I was planning on trapping her in it. You're mine, my possession, and I'm yours.