Chad 5,955

Everyone is fucked up. It's stupid to try and pretend otherwise. I guess the first time I realized love isn't real is when my father started having sex with me, my mom essentially turning a blind eye even though she knew everything. They say something like 30 percent of kids are sexual abuse survivors, but that's probably just the ones who say something. Every guy likes to fuck kids. Not me though. I'm younger for older. I love beefy older guys, tore back faces, the kind of blue collar look that makes you realize how much a hard life can age you. I like to see people's life stories written on their faces. The harsh lines of suffering that life bestows upon us all.

I guess it's the ruggedness that I find attractive, attractive cause it's powerful, powerful because it's inaccessible for me. I like something to make them human- a scar, an imperfection, anything to make it feel real and dispel the unrealistic fantasy of perfect beauty. Yet, at the same time, and at the risk of sounding egocentric, I do happen to be perhaps the most beautiful man of our time. At least that's what people who pay me for sex tell me. It's for this reason that I make a living off selling my body, appealing to people's most basic instincts. Life isn't sacred, and this body's not a temple. Someone like me is often put the position of realizing just how base and disgusting yet predictable people, but especially men, happen to be.

I have a lot of friends who think of their holes as cum dumpsters, but I'm not that stupid. I like to think of these people as jizz receptacles. I've never let anyone come in me, because at the end of the day, regardless of how miserable I really am, and no matter how much I accept the fact that life is totally meaningless, I can never do anything to hurt myself or stop my life. Life wants to exist, and it's a natural progression in life to always want more life. I don't believe in anything, except for that life wants to exist. Self-preservation at any cost. That's why I have to figure some way to make money, cause I really will die if I keep earning less than 20K a year. In this economy? Bitch plz. It's ridiculously easy work. Doing something with my body has always seemed like one of the easiest things, perhaps because developmentally speaking, movement comes first. First we crawl until we walk, then walk until we run. It's not soon after that we start to fuck, and even eunuchs never seem to loose that urge. I always felt like anything physical is just about as easy at it comes...

Obviously, I realize I'm someone who, in the big scheme of things, doesn't really have any boundaries. Or maybe any boundaries left. It's scary to realize that at times, I put myself into very dangerous situations. Sex and death are so closely aligned it's sometimes hard to tell the difference. On a more basic instinct level, I realize one boundary I'm missing is burning thee candle at both ends- I mean to say pushing my body to it's absolute physical limit. However, I do feel one learns a lot about one's self through doing things of this nature, I blame on it on your sped up blood flow, that's got to affect the way a brain operates what with more of everything pumping through it. Having sex with older guys is like walking on thin ice. Since HIV has been around since before I was born, I automatically see crow's feet and think positive. I never had a dad (who did?) and I often wonder if that's the reason why I find older guys so appealing, and being with them such a healing experience.

For a long time I wrestled with my attraction... why would I like something considered by many to be bad? I guess by many people I mean to say people within my peer group. What was it about these kinds of people that I find attractive? It this cause I never had a dad and have always been desperately seeking the approval of a father figure? Moreover, how can someone as complex and multidimensional as me be so predictable, essentially weak minded? Whenever I see 2 guys hugging I always want to be in the middle... but only if they're big and beefy with 2 big hairy bellies pressing against one another. I like body hair, all over. It really turns me on. 2 daddies are better than none, and since me and everyone I've ever met has no daddy, it means there's a huge daddy hole up in the motherfucker, I'll take what I can get.
***


My Saturday mornings usually start out very differently, but always seem to end the same. Obviously, since I get paid to have sex with guys, as a result I get laid a lot in one sense. However, since I rarely have more than 5 or 6 paying customers a month, I still have a huge unfulfilled sexual emptiness inside. All those recent studies say that you're supposed to have at the very least one orgasm a day. I care about my sexual health, like I said I never let guys bust a nut in me, and I never swallow. Not even if I were to have a boyfriend do I think I would swallow. It tastes like shit. I wish that I could be a high priced escort, but in reality I'm a cheap whore, and rarely get paid more than $100 for any encounter. To put it into perspective, the cheapest of street crack whores will rarely go under 40. Ironically, peep shows only pay bitches $4 to show off their pussy holes! People who come to me regularly give me shit about even paying that much... I have to hustle as hard as possible to squeeze every penny I can get out of these tightwad faggots. Just like everyone the dream is to fall in love and live happily ever, but that fantasy doesn't even come true for the elite, much less a mid priced sex worker such as myself. I find myself sometimes thinking if he could be the one regardless of who I'm with. I want it to be real, but I know the world doesn't work like that.

By Saturday night I'm always ready to get on the bus and go to the bars and clubs. To be honest, Saturday nights means the most men, which means the best possible opportunity for sex. True, many people are just tourists, people from the suburbs who aren't real city people I guess is what I mean to say. Obviously, there are lots of people there who are also residents, but I'm not opposed to going places, especially if they have a car and are going to drive me. I always feel safe in cars, even though you're more likely to die in a car crash than any other way. Well, excluding natural causes. I always feel like life is spinning out of control, that this is the real generation with no future, and I'm continually crossing boundaries that were never meant to be crossed. But when I'm in a car, I finally feel like I'm doing something, It makes me feel real, like I have nothing to worry about. What could possibly go wrong? I'm finally doing something, I'm actually going somewhere...

So I'm out enjoying the sights, seeing who's hot and playing the game. I like to gently brush my hands across men I'm attracted to as I walk past- never inappropriate, just lightly over the stomach of across their backs. I won't have sex with just anyone, after all. They have to pay. And when I fuck for pleasure I'm even more selective. Not to say I'm looking for perfection, because I myself am not even perfect, although I like to think I am. I have nice skin, and a well laid out face, good bone structure and a tight body. Everyone cares so much about bodies, but I'm obsessed with faces. I like scars, something to make them human, real, and tangible. But yeah, I think I touched on that before. I hate meth but I like meth scratched faces. I like beards and stubble. I like beefy, but I also like beer guts. I guess I mostly like masculinity. I like guys who look like they could protect me if tricks want to get fresh and rob me... or kill me and dump my body in a ditch somewhere.

So I have threesomes a lot. On the off chance that I happen to be looking at porn, I pretty much only watch orgy or sometimes gangbangs. Just 2 dicks are so boring. I like having threesomes and fourgies, but it's sometimes harder to come... I guess cause there's so much going on, and so much dick. When I'm with just one person, and it's not work, what gets me off is the mutual pleasure. We can make each other feel good. But when guys pay me for sex they always want their boyfriend to join in, or in some cases just watch/videotape. Not like I mind, as far as jobs go mine is pretty cushy, and if I can make a few hundred in just a few hours per month, who is the real idiot? The whore who works maybe 15 hour a month total or the tool in a cubicle wasting 70 hours of life per week? I could never live a 9 to 5 lifestyle. In fact, I don't think it's healthy. All of the studies suggest it.

What I like about San Francisco is all the sex fairs. I have a young face, so I do sometimes get insecure in a sense and feel out of place, mostly because I project a discriminating and critiquing eye onto all those who gaze upon me. I know others think that I think that I'm too good for them, that I'm hot shit, when in reality I'm not that picky, and someone as ghetto as I am, who lives on the fringes of society can't afford to be picky. I'm kinky too, and I'm into fucked up shit. Obviously, people go places like Folsom and Up Your Alley cause they're into S&M, and I'm really just not. I just want to have sex with the people who look like they might be into it. Ruff stuff. When you go to bars and clubs the guys are so clean cut, so corporate, desperately trying to fit into society, they're all tops but would bottom for the right guy (they're all bottoms) and instead of trying to get creative and inventive, choose to try and have sex like straight people. Clearly defined roles, objectives, expectations, and lives. God how boring.

So sometimes I go to the Powerhouse in the attempt to go home with a hot daddy or daddies. In the immortal words of Sandra Hope, founder and CEO of Mate Check, "Guys are all the same." When you fully accept this axiomatic truth, it becomes SO easy to deal with men. All you have to do is tell them that you think they're cute, and that really is all it usually takes. Guys want to fuck all the time, and if they know they can fuck you they will. This makes it laughably easy to manipulate them, and then do whatever you want. So here I am on a Saturday night. The moon is full, the booze is being poured, and everyone is either discreetly or not so discreetly doing his drug of choice. Most like hard drugs, but for me just a drink or two is enough. I only smoke cigarettes if I'm drinking booze. Watch me never get addicted.

I understand why addiction exists, but I've always found that overall, the way that drugs make people feel is the same way I can make myself feel. I like to remember things, even though happy times are few and far between, and I remember the bad times all too well. I came to the club with a friend, who promptly said bye to me after he found someone to go home with. I always do that to other people, there's no animosity in my tone. Just jealousy. I love it when people are on a mission, and find someone to go home with before 11 pm. Skills! Or maybe its just that everyone is equally filthy and desperate on the inside, and the only way to mitigate, to derive some sense of value is through the approval of others. Proving to oneself that one is desirable and desired. When someone says I love you, they really mean to say I love the way you make me feel about myself. When someone says they're addicted to you, what they really mean is I'm addicted to the way you make me feel. You see, all of these feelings are simply internal, they're not for the world, and hardly external. All it takes is the smallest action, the simplest of initiations. A glance, a touch, or maybe just an offer to get someone a drink...

"What's your name? You've got to be the cutest boy in the club tonight. Can I get u something to drink?" His forearms were big and hairy, but he was actually an inch and a half shorter than I am. He had a really friendly face, and I could tell this one at some point lifted weights. Black collared shirt, probably from h&m but with expensive dark denim jeans. Why do men always call me a boy when I'm a man? Guy works just as well. Nicely shaped shoulders, with chest hair sticking out of the middle of the color. What hair he had left was mostly salt and pepper, but he had softness to him that was really appealing.

"My name is Chad, short for Chadric," I replied while smiling with my eyes. I don't understand why some people find a club setting the perfect stage to scowl and pout. People go to clubs to meet people. I want to meet people. I don't like to be alone. I wondered to myself what this guy did this morning, and throughout the day leading to the eventual decision to come to a club. I guess if he asks I won't say I'm a prostitute. "I guess just a shot of jager. I've seen you here before. What's your name, and where are you from?" I was telling the truth cause I had seen him before, around. But I've seen everyone before, someplace at some time. I guessed he was not from California, cause he carried himself in the way that hot people who don't know they're hot tend to carry themselves.

"My name's Tom, short for Thomas. I'm from Georgia originally. I've got to tell you, you have such beautiful skin- it glows, even in the darkest recesses of a seedy gay club." I definitely appreciate anyone with a sense of humor. Life is so shitty all the time, might as well laugh at something if possible. I knew that tonight, or should I say early this morning, I was probably going to get fucked. I like that feeling, anticipation of what's yet to come. Pardon the pun. "So what do you do for a living?"

"I work at a non-profit," I replied, which is usually what I say when people ask. I like to keep secrets, especially when they might be ones that could potentially cause me problems. He invited me over to a group of men from the same demographic. They seem nice I guess. These are the kinds of people who pay me to do nasty things. There were a lot of guys out, and people don't usually arrive to bars and clubs until about midnight or 12:30. The music was hot, and there were guys all around, so in between mingling with my newly found friends and showing of on the dance floor I still managed to get a couple of drinks bought for me. I love it when people do things to please me. People should worship me as the deity that I happen to be.

Eventually it was time to leave the club. I got into Tom's car. 2 of his friends got in, I think their names were John or Jacob- or something biblical sounding like that. It was at that moment I realized that tonight, or should I say early this morning, I was probably going to get fucked by at least 2 guys. Tom drove a BMW, but it was kind of old, so although I was impressed it's still whatever. Besides, it's my dream to drive a Mercedes, Infiniti, or Lexus. It will never happen, but a person has to dream. "Do you want to come home with me tonight?" Tom asked, his voice going up in pitch at the end of the question. Pleading with me. I wonder what he wanted to do to me sexually. A lot of times they want you to stick your dick in their ass.

"Only if I can drive!" It's that boyish sense of adventure and mystery of the world that they wanted, because theirs had long since burned out. I had enough to spare. Stay young forever, never grow old, and never die. He told me he lived in upper market, so I knew I'd only be behind the wheel for like 10 mins. I love to drive, it's really reassuring for me, cause I'm finally doing something. There's nobody in my life to hold me accountable, so that's why I slipped through the cracks and wasn't able to do anything with my life. On the way back all they talked about was trying to loose weight and failing or about money. Old people can be so boring, why do they have to be so real? One of Tom's friends was talking about not being able to get a man... it was at that moment that I realized how crazy they really were, and it was all generational. They'd been made to feel dirty and disgusting their entire lives. I wonder if that affects people negatively? If they're not happy then it's cause they think they're not worth it.

After we dropped one of his friends off, we got to Tom's house. I was a little drunk, but I'll never get a D.U.I. because I can always hold my shit together, as some people can. John and Tom followed me upstairs through the apartment complex, it was as if I was following an internally led path. I always try to follow my intuition. He lives in a nice area but probably has to work the bullshit office job from hell. I was nonetheless excited for all the boundaries I was going to cross with these guys tonight. Another person, another boundary to cross. I'm short and somewhat on the thin side, and I'm vers, but never just the bottom bitch people usually see me as being. I couldn't wait to turn it around on them and stick my dick in both their asses. After we got inside, I couldn't help but start touching these guys. They were sweet, and I know they would only make me feel good tonight.

Tom pushed me down on his bed and got on top of me, I could feel the whole weight of his body everywhere. He kissed me deep, he had stubble everywhere and it was really turning me on. He was a good kisser, I suppose, but was trying to pull all of this porn star bullshit and sticking his tongue out way too much. Maybe he was trying to turn his friend on. Maybe they'd been lovers in the past, but it didn't seem that way, just cause they weren't sharing the inside jokes and references that people who are really close with one another tend to share all the time. John had already taken his clothes totally off and left just white briefs and socks on. I love to feel a man's weight on my body. He stuck his hand between my thighs and pushed down hard on my hard penis. I hope we can suck each others dicks. I wanted to such John's dick too. I struggled to get Tom off me and took my shirt off. John put his face up to mine and our mouths met, gently pulling back my hair as he looked down and sucked on my upper lip. He had nice skin, and was white but a little darker than Tom. Black hair everywhere all over his body, and looked somewhat fit, but mostly beefy if I had to describe them.

I love kissing, I really could kiss all night. Both of them kissed me and then I backed up and told them I want them to kiss each other really passionately and I'll watch. When I'm not working, I like to be lazy, I don't have to be in the middle of the action at all times. A ho has to be able to catch her breath. Shit. I watched Tom mount John, the same way he did with me, then bend down with and rub John's dick all over his tits and chest hair. He even was rubbing his dick on his stubble, which would hurt me but some guys seem to like it. He stuck his tongue out and flicked the end of it horizontally and vertically on John's frenulum. I saw him stick the tip of his tongue in John's piss slit, which is a trick I myself like to pull on guys. He put his thumb and index on the tip and the most sensitive part of his dick vigorously which made John's back arch in ecstasy. John was cut but he seemed to really enjoy the sensation. Maybe he had a lot of slack left. Seeing Tom being an oral top made me want to finger his hole and stick my dick in after. I always keep my finger nails super short to make sure not to hurt anyone. Seeing these guys getting it on was turning me on so much. I feel like I'm always performing, that all my sex is on stage, and I'm always trying to gauge what to do and how to act in order to turn the other person on and do whatever it is they want. It's fun, but after a while one just wants the client to hurry up and bust a nut. I watched him play with John's balls until I could no longer resist the urge to stick my face in John's guiche. I wanted to know what he smells like. I started to suck on one of his nuts, they were both really big but managed to get one in mouth and still be able to suck in air around the testicle, I knew that would feel good on his raphe. I usually put my mouth in the middle of balls and get all the skin I can into my mouth, while I trace the outline of the asshole with my finger. John was swampy, but I could tell it was just from being sweaty this evening. I wasn't going to lick his ass cause I only like to lick ass on younger guys. Their holes are still tight and really sensitive, so you can lick it all night and they still won't want to be fucked, even though they're going crazy.

"Let's get your friend naked," I said to John. John pulled off Tom's shirt while I undid his jeans, and pulled his pants and underwear off both at once. He had hard hairy balls held close to his body. They were connected to a very white, fat dick, and I could tell his asshole was probably pink too, cause his skin was pretty light all over. His dick was hard, and he was uncut, but the only one of us who was. I like uncut penis cause it's easier to make it cum, nothing sucks more than being really turned on and not able to bust a nut, because you're nervous or whatever. His penis was a pretty light shade of tan, and the hair on his thighs was blond, but pubic hair was brown. I love blond body hair, and could not but help myself to run my hands up and down this man's thick calves. Fuck, calves turn me on so much, I think that's probably my favorite part of a man's body. I guess he has the blond body hair cause of the light eyes.

"Stick your dick in his ass. I want to see you fuck him," I said with a smirk. John got on all fours, and I slapped his ass hard with my left hand. I fingered his ass for a min, then Tom buried his big face in his friend's hole. Since John obviously wasn't one for manscaping, and Tom's face was really scratchy I hoped no tissues back there got damaged in the vigorous ass eating I was watching. I got John to lay on his back and sat on his face, his tongue was really talented. I've been fucked a lot but my hole is still pretty sensitive, and my dick was rock hard the whole time. John licked my ass, as Tom licked his ass while jerking off. Tom rolled on a condom, and stood up. He rubbed the end of his dick around John's asshole, getting him ready to be penetrated. He poured a bunch of lube around the outside of his friend's ass, then put some all over his cock. He slapped the end of his dick against the hole, then slid it in with ease, deep all the way in, then pulled it more than half way out. I guess he was loosening his friend up. I got on top of John and started to suck his dick. It kind of smelled cause another person had been sucking it that night. His dick was so hard, and from the curve and the angle I was able to deep throat and hold it in for such a long a time that I impressed even myself. It must feel good to fuck and get fucked at the same time.

Tom told me that he was vers, so I asked if I could fuck him and he said yes. I rolled on a rubber, and stood behind him, and spit all over his hole and my hand, and worked his hole so he'd be turned on while I was fucking him. Safe sex is so important. Tom's dick was securely in John's shitbox, but I'm sure his hole was a little worked out. Tom had a nice backside, the hole was a little loose but still felt good to put my dick all the way inside. When I top guys I like to go really slow and gentle, usually go balls deep and just take it out a little. It feels best to a bottom if you try to go all the way in and just make sure the tip is hitting all the right spots up inside. Topping well can make a soft dick on a bottom get a lot harder. It feels good on my penis, but I want to make sure Tom likes me fucking him. I love making a guy come when my dick is inside him cause the hole spasms when they shoot loads, and it feels so good, almost like you're fucking an ass and getting head at the same time. At this point there were hella assholes getting fucked. Sometimes guys can't get that hard while being penetrated, but these ones didn't seem to have any problems. I guess it's because they've they'd had an awful lot of practice at this point, and they know how to "feel" really quickly, as well as knowing what to expect. I always try to be someone's best fuck, I want to be a sexual force of nature that has huge impacts on others lives.

I fucked Tom while standing up, and he fucked John missionary. My dick kept falling out of Tom's ass, but he always moaned when I put it back in. I wonder what he thinks about when he's jerking off? It's kind of hard to fuck someone who's fucking, especially if he thrusts a lot. I guess Tom thinks the motion of his hips is what turns a bottom on, but I know if I'm bottoming I just want to feel a talented dick that hits me in all the right places, and the thrusting has very little to do with it. Tom was Jerking John off, and even though his dick was hard I had a feeling that he wasn't going to cum soon. I didn't know about Tom, just because it seemed like he was turning himself on a lot just by the way he fucks.

I pulled my dick out of Tom's ass because I didn't want to cum. I like sex to last a long time, and only 20 minutes had gone by. 20 mins is a long time to take a dick as well, in my opinion. I never understand when guys apologize for sex taking too long. Nobody wants to fuck for a minute or two. "I want to suck you guys off," I offered. I sat down on my butt, and Tom stuck his dick in me, then thrusted in and pushed it down the back of my throat with made me gag. I could see he wanted to be in control, but I grabbed the base of his cock hard, and held it back, which I think should send a message. I tongued the tip, and sucked hard on the end of his dick. It seems like forceful sucking seems good to most guys. John had been blowing me, but I wanted both dicks in my face. I motioned for John to stand up, and he slapped his fat dick against my cheek as I sucked on Tom's penis. John tried to stick his dick inside my mouth at the same time, and as sexy as that was it was hard to get both dicks inside. I guess my mouth is kind of small. Pleasuring these guys was getting me off a lot, cause I like to make guys feel good. Whenever I see groups of guys standing around, I always wish it was me sucking all their dicks.

"Tom, do you want to fuck me?" I asked. "If you do you have to lick my butt first. "

"I've been wanting to stick my dick in you since the first time I saw you," he replied. I made him lay down on his back, cause I have to sit on a dick to get it in me. I figured I would switch positions with him still inside me so I could suck John's dick later, just cause once I get the dick inside me I'm lazy and dont want it to come out and then go back in. I sat on Tom's face while he ate me out. I like it when guy's faces are in my ass. The answer to everything you say is yes when your asshole is in someone's face. I sucked on John's dick as I sat on Tom's face. After he ate me out for a little I sat on his dick, and after maybe 30 seconds got it in. I have stong thighs, so I was boucing up and down on his dick, and I'm happy to say my dick was hard the whole time, boucing up and slapping against my stomach.

"Let's switch to doggy style, cause I want to suck on John more," I said. There's something about a dick in my ass and mouth at the same time that I always loved. Tom and both fell forward on his bed without his dick coming out of my ass. John repositioned himself with the dick in my face, and as I sucked on his member I reached up through his chest hair and grabbed one of his tits. I'd totally forgotten about those. Tom reached around with his left hand and stoked me, while he put his big right forearm over my lower back, which kept my hips in relatively the same place. He kept his pelvis close to mine cause I told him I can't cum when he's thrusting too much. I hate to be the first one to cum, but I couldn't help it case he was really flicking the tip of my dick with each hand stroke. I didn't remember him putting lube on his his hand, so it must have been a combination of my precum mixed with spit mixed with other fluids. All of a sudden I came, John's dick dropped out my mouth and I straightened out my back so they could watch me shoot a load all over the bed instead of just dropping a load all over it while on my hands and knees.

"Wow you come a lot and it's so thick," one of them said. About a minute later Tom pulled his cock out of my ass and came all over my lower back. "Damn you've got a bomb ass hole," he told me. I thought it was funny, so I laughed, if you can't laugh at things that are funny then there really is no point to living. John still hadn't came yet, so me and Tom looked at each other with determination. Tom started working on his shaft, while I sucked on his balls. It took maybe 5 more minutes of constant stimulation to bring this guy off, but it seemed like it was kind of nervous to begin with. When John came, it seemed like Tom swallowed some of his jizz, but I guess since they knew one another that's not as gross. John was the last to come, but he had the biggest load. Perhaps he hadn't played with himself in a while, cause there was semen spilling out everywhere on both sides of Tom's all too eager mouth.

I found Tom's shirt on the ground, and wiped myself off- my crotch, back, between my thighs and even my face. I like wiping cum on other people's towels or clothes. It can seem both disrespectful yet endearing at the same time, I guess just depends on the situation. I thought about staying and cumming again, but it was so early, maybe like 1:45 a.m. so I was feeling restless already. I looked over and saw the 2 guys kissing, John holding Tom close to his body. Their faces were red with the flush that comes with sexual activity.

"Are you tired, don't you want to rest?" Tom asked me. He was running his palm flat up Jon's chest to feel the coarseness. I hoped they'd fall in love and spend the rest of their lives together. Maybe they'd never had sex, and I was the catalyst. I couldn't get involved enough to know.

"Maybe another time," I replied smiling. I let myself out of the front before they could say anything else. "Make sure you lock the front door guys!" I said as I was leaving. This is a nice area, but still. I wondered what else was going on at the after hours clubs? The night was just beginning...